Reality of birthdays and care giving

Yesterday was a picture perfect day of sunshine and 82-degree weather here at the farm that we used to celebrate my wife’s XX birthday—let’s just say more than 60 but less than 80. And I’m six years ahead of her, so we’re both getting up there, right? But I don’t want to get ahead of my thoughts here, so back to the celebration.

We had three sons, six grandchildren and other guests that made for a marvelous tailgate party down by the pond. And it was a literal tailgate party as I had a 4×8 sheet of building material already in my truck that served as a tailgate extender, complete with checkered tablecloth, to hold the bountiful food that everyone brought to the picnic.

After everyone was properly fed, we did the usual fishing, dirt biking, golf carting and just sitting around chatting and picture taking to record the day. I’m sure my daughter-in-law will post up some of the pictures on www.facebook.com/VisitingAngelsofCentralGA/ if you care to take a look. As you can tell, there was no end to the fun, food and fellowship!

In fact, it was so good that we stayed around until dark, built a campfire, and nurtured it until about 10 p.m., which means that we got to hear the bullfrog choir give their evening serenade. The sad part is that they do this every night; we just miss it most of the time because we’re too busy watching our TVs or cell phones.

It was a perfect day in every way. One to be cherished and remembered. We’ve been spoiled now for over 50 years of sharing life and building family together with, for the most part, excellent health.

But this morning, as I was catching up on a few day’s mail, I opened an article from the Saturday Evening Post that I often refer to in this column; it was about the growing cadre of male caregivers, mostly to parents or spouses, and I wondered to myself, would I be up to the task if it fell upon me???

Here’s a short excerpt to give you the flavor of the column and to hold up a mirror:

“Barry Applebaum, 63, has experienced both kinds of care giving — and dealt with both in different ways. He was raising five kids in a blended family in Lancaster, Pennsylvania, while juggling a job in sales when he first began caring for his mother. She had multiple health problems and lived with his family for four years after his dad died. But eventually, her physical and mental health issues became too much to deal with, and he made the tough decision to place her in a long-term care facility. “It was very stressful,” he says.

After his mother’s death, Applebaum thought his care giving days were behind him. But just a few years later, his wife suffered a major stroke at age 50. “At first, we were under the impression she would get better, but she’s never going to be who she was,” Applebaum says. “No one thinks at age 50 your wife is going to become a quadriplegic. She needed help with everything.”

And then there is the financial strain. Huge medical bills and other costs shrank their bank account. “I changed jobs three times because I had to stay home and care for her — the insurance didn’t cover what she needed,” he says.

The two had been looking forward to becoming empty nesters, traveling and living life together. “All of our dreams were taken away from us,” he says.”

The likelihood of us joining the caregiver ranks with Barry Applebaum increases with every passing birthday. So I have the three thoughts to leave with you today:

1. Cherish every single one now that God allows you to celebrate in good health!

2. Work at staying healthy by eating good food, exercising and not taking undue risks; especially when it comes to falls.

3. Work at building a deeper relationship with God so that when the time comes for you to be a caregiver, you’ll be up to the task.

Thanks for reading All About Seniors … See you next week!

Bill Milby is a Director of Visiting Angels® of Central Georgia, a non-medical, living assistance service for seniors. If you have questions or comments about this column you can reach him at william.mercylink@gmail.com or search for us at https://www.facebook.com/VisitingAngelsofCentralGA/.

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