A spouse is not a home

As our growth in Christ has increased, we’ve noticed a substantial change in the way we view the world around me (as we all should as we mature spiritually). Our Christian walks reached a new level after we realigned our focus to where we only sought God’s total will for our lives. At that point, the desire becomes that every word, every decision; every action to please Him even if it pleases Him alone and no one else. Oddly enough, one of the most prevalent changes we noted in ourselves was our loss of appetite for watching regular modern-day television.

That may sound ridiculous to some, but as Christians, when our ability to discern sharpens, we start to see more with our vision (spiritual eyes) and less with our sight (natural eyes). In doing so, we come to realize that much of what the media feeds to us and sucks us into being entertained by are situations and subject matters that wildly go against the will and the Word of God. We find ourselves eagerly engrossed in things that are not only sinful, but downright abominations.

Because he is a crafty and cunning being, the devil is well-versed on how to slowly appear in a manner that doesn’t shock or overwhelm us. He presents so subtly that initially it seems harmless. The truth is it’s not only harmful, but deadly. Not to our flesh, perhaps, but certainly to our spirit. The enemy of our souls turns up his hellish heat, little-by-little; making us practically unaware of the deviousness of his actions until we’re so accepting and involved that even when we’re made conscious of its ungodliness, we CHOOSE to remain consumed.

We believe that’s particularly true when it comes to the television shows we elect to watch. It seems the programs that feature the most lustful and scandalous behavior, and the ones that spew the most vulgarities, and show the most violence are the ones that are the most celebrated by the world AND by the church.

HGTV is among the networks we like watching together. We especially enjoy viewing married couples purchase old homes and restore them so that what was once a visual nightmare became a dream come true.

One day as we watched one program, we observed the show’s stars prepare a restored home to put on the market for sale. They were meticulous in their groundwork; choosing what they knew were the right pieces of furniture, the perfect fabric colors, the precise layout style to make the property’s attraction nearly impossible to refuse. They displayed the absolute best look to potential buyers who would immediately become captivated by the flawlessness of what they admired.

But what the sellers never said is, “Oh, by the way. None of the living room, bedroom, or dining room, furniture you see here comes with the house. These curtains don’t come with the sale of the property; nor do the throw rugs, the lamps, the wall art, or these gorgeous perfectly matching whatnots. Truth is, we just staged it so that it’ll look great, and you’ll want to spend the rest of your lives here. But in actuality, all you’re really going to get is the outer shell of what we’re presenting.” None of that was voiced.

As the show continued, the Holy Spirit began to reveal something amazing. What we were observing is the same way many of us conduct ourselves when we desire to be married. We put our best foot forward when we meet a potential mate. We show them the best of us. We “stage” ourselves and display high levels of politeness, kindness, gentleness, thoughtfulness, and attentiveness. Men will open her car door, hold her hand, smile, wink; treat her to the best restaurants. Women will nestle closely, rub his back, dress nicely, keep a clean house, cook for him; watch his favorite shows with him. But once marriage vows are spoken, knots are tied, brooms are jumped and rings are exchanged, actions and personalities shift. What was seen isn’t what was gotten.

We justify our conduct and pacify our deception by calling it “settling in” or “getting comfortable with each other.” But the harsh truth of the matter is we did what we had to do to get the person to buy in to our presentation. We did what we felt was necessary to get them to fully invest in “our product.” We “sold” them something knowing full well that it wasn’t a true picture of reality. And when all was said and done, what they got was only a shell of what was presented.

Notice in Scripture that the bond and the love between a husband and wife is often compared to Christ’s love for His children (us). Notice also that there is no staging in Scripture. We are promised eternal life with Jesus Christ if we believe on Him (John 3:16), but we’re also told that there are people who will hate us because of that belief (Matthew 10:22). The Word of God gives us the entire picture of what committing to God and living for Him is like and then God leaves it up to us to make the choice (Deuteronomy 30:19), and He challenges us to choose Him because despite the trials and tribulations that will definitely come along the way, He promises us that we will have no remorse in choosing Him. It will be well worth it all in the end.

Luther Vandross had a song entitled, “A House is Not a Home.” Well, we’re here to tell you that a spouse is not a home either. When it comes to hunting for a home, staging is accepted and maybe even expected, but when a person desires a spouse, they want what’s real. Most people don’t expect faultlessness, but they do expect faithfulness. They want truth, honesty, transparency. It doesn’t have to be trouble-free; it just needs to be well worth it in the end.

Save the flashing lights for the ballroom and save the blue smoke and mirrors for the magic show. Those things are for temporary entertainment purposes only. Marriage is intended to be a lifetime covenant. It’s not to be treated like a home or a car; something to invest in with the mindset that once we outgrow it (or whenever we find something more modern or attractive) we’ll just get rid of it and move on.

No human relationship that should be more passionate or purposeful than that of a marriage. We should speak to our spouses more gently than we do anyone else. We should treat them kindlier than we do anyone else. Nobody should get more affection, attention, or adoration from us than our spouse. Absolutely NO ONE.

In Ephesians 5:25, the Word of God instructs husbands to love their wives as fervently as Jesus Christ loves the church. Do you know how deep that level of love is? Christ loved the church (that’s us) so much that He gave His life! And just two verses earlier, wives are commanded to submit to their husbands as unto the Lord. Now, that’s some serious submission right there!

Men are often accused of being pathetic and wimpy when they dote on their wives and drench them with love, but all they’re really doing is obeying God’s order. And women must realize that submission isn’t a bad word or a negative action. It’s not a sign of weakness. In fact, it takes far more strength and courage to be submissive than it does to be aggressive.

Marriage can be amazing! Let your love always be authentic and your promises be true. No staging, please. What they see should be what they get.

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