When tragedy strikes

I want to publicly thank Pastor John Lehenbauer for filling this space for me the last couple of weeks. John has been a good friend for years, and when he heard the news, he quickly agreed to submit articles to the paper in my place. For those who may not have heard, my 32-year-old niece was recently murdered. It feels bizarre to even type those words. Her death still feels unreal. But sadly, about 1:00AM on August 8^th, my older brother’s daughter, Kiersten Renee Byerly, was killed in a senseless act of violence. I wish I had words to explain the pain. I wish I could turn back the clock. I wish … we wish … we all wish … it never happened. And it shouldn’t have. This gorgeous girl didn’t deserve this. No one does. 

Perhaps as you read this, you’re thinking; preacher this isn’t the place to publicize or process this tragedy. And maybe it isn’t. I argued with myself over writing this article. Do the fine folks of Houston County really want to hear about this? Did those of you who picked up this paper and started reading this article realize what you were being drug into? I don’t know. After all, don’t you already have more than your own share of drama and death to deal with? Probably you do. Therefore, is it possible then that I am being selfish by dragging you down this dark path with me? Am I just seeking sympathy by using this space to talk about Kiersten? Am I trying to dramatize her death simply to gain your empathy? I don’t know … maybe I am? But the truth is … at this point, I don’t really care. Right now, my heart is broken in a thousand pieces and I am not sure I’m the best judge of my emotional motives. Whether my reasons are noble or not, KK (as we called her) is gone and my family is crushed. 

I look for reason … and find none. I search for meaning, but it alludes me. I wonder why? … Why!? … Why did God allow this? Why didn’t God stop that man from hurting her? What possible purpose is there to this pain? What good does her death serve? I wish I had the answers to those questions, but I don’t. And even if I did, it wouldn’t change the fact she is gone! I vacillate between doubt, denial, tears, and anger. I feel all this … and Kiersten was my niece. I loved her, don’t get me wrong. But, I can’t even imagine the pain her mom and dad are going through … and frankly, I don’t want to.
Kiersten’s loved ones are mourning, grieving, hurting. They are—we are— just so sad … and there is nothing anyone can do to make it stop. I did what I could to minister to my family, but every effort is so frail, so small, so unworthy of her. KK had her whole life ahead of her … and now … now she is gone. In the blink of an eye. 

So yeah … maybe I am selfishly using this space as my own private pity party or public therapy session. If so, I am not sorry. 

But this much I am sure of … in a world cursed by sin, we are not alone in our grief. No. Unfortunately, I am sure some of you reading this can associate with every painful detail listed. Some of you have suffered a similar tragedy. A number of you have also lost a loved one in some shocking or devastating manner. You have had a family member suddenly snatched away from you without warning … and as you know, it leaves a hole in your heart that nothing can fill. 

No doubt, our family is not alone in our grief. Frankly, that doesn’t really make me feel better … even if it should. Not right now at least.  

We are still coming to terms with what happened. It all still seems like a bad dream. I wish it was. 

This is normally the place in my article where I make an appeal for those of you reading this to turn to God and put your faith in His love, plan, and purposes. But right now … I am struggling to do that myself. This pastor is having trouble practicing what he preaches! 

Don’t get me wrong, I have not abandoned my Christian convictions. But at this moment, being confident God has some Divine design behind this tragic event is hard to believe. Yet faith forces the Christian to ask, what are the alternatives? If God isn’t in charge, who is? Or what is? No one and nothing!? Seriously, what are the other options? When tragedy strikes, are we compelled to believe karma, chance, or simply cruel coincidence are haphazardly governing the affairs of men? Or is nothing and no one running the show? I refuse such an empty idea. Even though we clearly do not like all God allows, trusting Him is better than all other alternatives! 

The Old Testament tells the story of a man named Job who suffered more than I (we) can even imagine. He was well acquainted with tragedy and misery. But through it all he said this; “Though He slay me, yet I will hope in Him …” (Job 13:15). In that passage, Job is hurting, but he is also saying; regardless of what comes, I am going to cling to God. Friends, I am not Job. And I certainly do not want to face all he faced, but he was right. Regardless of what comes, trusting God is better than any other alternative. 

I concede, we may never make sense of Kiersten’s death. But when tragedies like this strike, where should we turn for help and hope? My tearful answer … is cling to Christ. Only He can make sense of the senseless.