Was a chimpanzee once the co-host of a national television news program?

I want to take this opportunity to say a heartfelt, “Thank you.”

For all of you who take a moment or two out of your day to read this silly stuff I write, and then let me know what you think of it in an e-mail (the address is under my name), you have my gratitude. You may never know how much it means to me to realize that someone gets a laugh, a chuckle, or even a frown out of the nonsense I spout.

If, at any time over the past four or so years, you’ve taken a moment to enjoy this column—even if you haven’t said so—please know that I am most appreciative.

Some of you even share this column with friends and relatives who don’t get our newspapers, and that’s the best bonus of all.

My deepest thanks and gratitude to you all! Now, on with the show …

Did you know …

… it is illegal in the state of Illinois to do any “fancy riding” on a bicycle? Riding without hands, taking your feet off the pedals and other assorted methods of showing off are against the law in Illinois. (Having grown up riding bicycles in Chicago, I can state, for the record, that this law is rarely enforced.)

… you can have a lot of fun with tyromancy? In case you were wondering, tyromancy is foretelling the future by observation of the fermentation and coagulation of cheese. The patterns of mold were used to predict rain, love, money and even death. Young maidens, for instance, would divine the names of their future husbands by writing their names on pieces of cheese, and the one that became moldy first would be their ideal love mate. (It’s going to be a gouda year.)

… one of the biggest box-office hits in history was canceled by a studio for budget reasons? “Home Alone,” the 1990 Christmas hit movie, was originally sold to Warner Brothers, but the production company did not see the script as a hit, and balked at spending $14 million. Another studio, 20th Century-Fox, continued the production, and the movie went on to earn $476 million in gross receipts worldwide. (Thus proving my contention that Hollywood really doesn’t know what it’s doing.)

… cat cafés are very popular in Japan? People come and pay by the hour to hang around with cats. The reason for such places? Most apartments and condominiums in Tokyo do not allow pets. (More’s the pity; I know where I would be spending a lot of my time!)

… a chimpanzee was once the co-host of a national television news program? J. Fred Muggs (born 1952), a chimpanzee from Africa, co-hosted the “Today Show” on NBC from 1953 to 1957. Muggs was brought to New York from Cameroon just before his first birthday, and was a popular attraction while on display in a pet store. The name Muggs came from a contest to “Name the Chimp,” while the J. Fred part came about after he was added to the “Today Show.” NBC executives added the chimp to the morning news program after ratings fell, but anchorman, Dave Garroway (1913-1982), strongly opposed the addition of a simian to what he considered a serious news program. Regardless of Garroway’s opinion, Mr. Muggs’ addition to the “Today Show” brought high ratings and a great deal of advertising money to the network. As of this writing, Mr. Muggs is still alive at 68, enjoying retirement from show business at the home of his owner in Citrus Park, Florida. (Considering the way news is covered these days, where is Mr. Muggs when we need him?)

… pirate treasure probably never existed? Historians say that pirates led short lives due to the dangers of their lifestyle, and when they left their ships they would spend rather lavishly, leaving them very little afterward. According to such sources, maps that have locations of “buried pirate treasure” are most likely all fake. (Arr, me hearties! These be fairytales they be spinnin’ to ye!)

… scientists believe it is theoretically possible to construct a time machine? The drawback is that it would require a gigantic particle accelerator in space, stabilizing space-time foam, plucking out a wormhole, enlarging it, and connecting it to a gravitational field. (Or we could just get Doc Emmett Brown to invent the flux capacitor and hook it up to a DeLorean.)

… in the city of Winston-Salem, North Carolina, it’s against the law for children under seven years of age to go to college? (This law probably won’t ever be broken, if you catch my meaning.)

… the capital of Alaska is unreachable by road? Juneau is the only state capital that has no roads leading into or out of it. All travel into the city is done by boat or air. (Of course, one would need a reason to go there in the first place, if Juneau what I mean.)

… one job you didn’t want to have in a royal court was “Groom of the Stool?” During the reign of King Henry VIII (1491-1547), the Groom of the Stool was a courtier whose job was to help the king go to the bathroom. That wasn’t all he did, of course… he also controlled “the privy purse,” or had control of the king’s personal finances. (I’ll let your imagination come up with what the exact duties were.)

… most people are wrong when they think about who invented the light bulb? Common belief is that the incandescent bulb was invented by Thomas Edison (1847-1931), but that belief is incorrect. Edison perfected the bulb to where it could be mass-produced, but the light bulb itself was invented by Sir Joseph Swan (1828-1914). (Now I know who to curse when I have to change one!)

Now … you know!

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