Mommy not-so dearest: Be thankful for good mothers 

In 1887 Martha Cannary appeared before a judge in Cheyenne, Wyoming, on the charge of public drunkenness. This wasn’t an uncommon occurrence for the woman better known as Calamity Jane. She had made quite a name for herself in the Wild West as a sharpshooter, equestrian and cross-dressing-all-around hellraiser. Please pardon my French. 

Court records from the period indicate that Calamity Jane appeared before the bench in a “delicate condition.” That’s the outdated polite way of saying she was pregnant, or expecting or knocked up, if you will. To this day there is little to do in Cheyenne besides tie one on and fool around. A few months later a little girl was born. 

Jane tried to curb the restless independence that had made her famous by settling down with the child’s father, a Texan most likely of ill-repute. It wasn’t long, however, before Calamity took to the road, baby in tow, as drunk and rowdy as ever. Rumor had it she could shoot the pacifier out of the baby’s mouth at 50 paces. It’s worth nothing that this little girl was Calamity Jane’s second child. The first, a boy called “Little Calamity” died of unknown causes. There is plenty of indication that Jane had tried to be a decent mother. But the lawless West was no place for a family, especially if you made your living in wild west shows, brothels and other places of the like. 

In a last-ditch effort to give her daughter a proper upbringing, Jane used fame to raise money to send her off for an education. The good folks of Deadwood, South Dakota, were eager to give to the cause and gathered a tidy sum to send the child to a convent school. However, the funds were used to host a celebratory party, complete with drunken revelry. 

By the time Calamity Jane died in 1903, the two were officially estranged, the daughter having married and started her own life, much quieter than her mother’s had been. 

No matter how unreasonable you ever thought your own mother was, she was most likely a better parent than Calamity Jane. Curfews, television limits and chores are welcome to multiple arrests, abandonment and theft. I don’t have anything to complain about. Thanks mom. My kids certainly have it made. They’ll complain from time to time, but they know their mama loves them.  

Parenting is a hard game, especially for mothers in this age of trying to balance work, family and all of the other responsibilities that society throws on you. The pressure just hits some folks harder than others, like Calamity Jane. In hindsight her name was more fitting than people knew at the time. 

Happy Mother’s Day to all the moms out there young and old. Take care of yourselves. Have a little time to relax. You know you’ve earned it. And always remember, you are appreciated.