It seemed like a good idea at the time

When I, in my role as the children’s pastor at Northside Baptist, came up with the idea of having our 10-12-year-olds step inside an inflated inner tube that came off a tractor, lift it to waist high and then battle it out sumo wrestler-style, it seemed like a good idea at the time.

When I – same role, same crowd – thought it’d be a great plan to take some thin, large sheets of plywood, cut them down into approximately 3-foot wide by 4-foot long sizes in a shape similar to that of a (flat) racecar body, cut out a large oval in the middle, attach straps to the sides and then have the kids wear them as in the inner tubes and then race each other, it seemed like a good idea at the time.

How was I to know that in big-sized-kid-in-an-inflated-inner tube versus little-sized-kid-in-an-inflated-inner tube, that big-sized-kid-in-an-inflated-inner tube would send little-sized-kid-in-an-inflated-inner tube on his first mission into outer space?

How was I to know that kid-in-a-plywood-car would stumble, front end of said car would do nosedive into ground, kid would do flip worthy of gymnastic gold and said plywood would come to rest on top of him, now resembling more a coffin lid than a racecar?

How was I to know? It seemed like a good idea at the time.

Ah yes. If only I had a nickel for every time I said that. Or better yet, what was paid out in hospital bills. Or, if they could put a price tag on emotional scars, I’d take that.

(True story) Me (age 13 or 14) to a girl I was infatuated with (a “popular” girl who just happened to have three of her friends with her at the time): “I sound just like Otis Redding when I sing ‘Sitting on the Dock of the Bay’.”

Her: “Really. Well go ahead.” (Aha. My private shower rehearsals were finally about to pay off.)

Me: “Sitting on the dock …”

Her: Laughter.

Her: More laughter. Harder laughter.

Her/them: Uncontrollable laughter.

Me: “Uh. I gotta go.”

What can I say? It seemed like a good idea at the time!

I know. I’m not alone. We all have our “It seemed like a good idea at the time” moments. They run the gamut of things humorous to those literally tragic. You can find them on “America’s Funniest Videos” and then turn the channel and there they are again on “Cops.” And “either” may go viral on YouTube at any moment.

It seemed like a good idea at the time.

“Now Adam. Eve. Are you absolutely sure you want to eat that apple?”

“Now Goliath. Just this once, are you sure you won’t take the helmet with the visor?”

“Now Samson. Are you sure you really, really – I mean ‘for real’ this time – want to tell Delilah the secret of your power?”

“Hey Romans, Pharisees, Saducess (etc), are you absolutely sure now that you want to crucify the Son of God? That would be the same God who created you and everything else as we know it.” (Fast-forward to their Day of Judgment. God: “You crucified my Son!” Them: “It … uh … seemed … like … uh …”)

On the other hand, I suppose if I were a prophet back in the B.C. era I would have it made.

“So why didn’t you go to your mother-in-law’s?”

Prophet Doniah (I think all prophets had to have an “iah” at the end of their name): “Are you kidding? She was serving corned beef and cabbage!”

Then again, I guess that would only work on a “personal” level. You still had to convince the people to believe you. And history says rarely did the Israelites do that.

And so we have it. Over the ages we have inflicted more physical and psychological pain on ourselves (and others, “right kids”?) than this column – or newspaper – has room to print.

Very rarely do we as humankind learn the lesson. Me, personally, I look back and think and think and play out scene after scene and very rarely do I see myself taking just a precious moment – a moment that could have made all the difference in the world – to play it out in my mind. “Hmm. Now what’s the worse that could happen?” (Hmm. Sounds like a good idea for another column. And P.S. I’ve already worked up a sermon for: It seemed like a good idea at the time.)

I guess it’s inevitable. I’m just one of those guys. I simply have no choice. I simply have to learn the hard way.

Enough said, I guess.

Oh, and by the way, did I tell you? Great news! I figured out a way now where I can stretch the tractor inner tube around the wooden cars and then inflate the tube. I’ve also added some wooden dowels to each side so now they look like airplanes. I’m going to try it out on the kids. I can’t wait to see how it turns out.

(Disclaimer: No child was harmed in the making of this column. I promise.)

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