On the evolution of canines: A shaggy dog tale 

My parents recently brought home a puppy. It’s a fuzzy, potato-looking creature that gets the attention of everyone sharing the room, because, of course, everyone loves puppies. 

The majority of the folks in my family could be considered dog people. My parents, brother and cousins all have multiple canines in their households. Many of my friends – yes, I have a few of those – also share their personal space with more than one dog. I seem to be the only person on Planet Earth that thinks one dog is enough. 

That belief is being put to the test thanks to this new companion animal that’s made its way into my sphere of existence. My daughter has been hitting me up for a puppy ever since she laid eyes on this addition at her grandparents’ house. 

From serving in war zones to keeping company with royalty, dogs have played a major role in the history of civilization. No one knows who first laid eyes on a wild dog and decided it would make a good friend, but I’m sure he or she never intended to push one around in a baby carriage and pick up its poop in a tiny plastic bag. If you walk a dog in town and don’t clean up after it, you are the worst possible kind of person and deserve to have a cinder block dropped on your foot. Where do you even buy cinder blocks? I’ve never in my life purchased one, yet I, and every other rural homeowner, have caches of them around my property, like a doomsday building-material prepper.  

Dogs used to have to work for a living. They herded livestock or guarded a home or a junkyard. Canine unemployment is through the roof, but they seem to be getting along pretty well. I know a few dogs that live a more leisurely and pampered life than most people. 

About 46 million American households have at least one dog, and a new study from the University of Oxford suggests that many of them could be connected to the early dogs of Mesoamerica. Researchers examined the genomes of thousands of dogs in Argentina, Chile and Mexico and discovered there’s little difference genetically between the modern popular pet dog breed chihuahua to the dogs that accompanied early farming communities as people migrated south through North, Central and South America.

Then Europeans arrived, and along with the course of history, altered dog breeds. Now we have things like pugs and breeds with “doodle” at the end of them, overbred, genetic abominations that serve no purpose other than looking at. I can say that because I have one of those dogs. My wife brought home a Berne-doodle about four years ago. In typical dad fashion I was angry at first, but now Zelda, named after the video game princess, knows who to come to when it’s walking or feeding time. 

Having a dog is very close to having kids. I can see why people call them their fur babies. You have to schedule vet appointments, keep up with vaccinations, feed it quality food and, if you have one of those doodles, get it a lot of haircuts.  

So, yes, call me a dog person, but one is more than enough.