A balancing act

My sons and I were up in Kentucky over the weekend at the National Corvette Museum Motorsports Park, campaigning our endurance racecar with the “Racing to end Alzheimer’s”  theme, trying, as always, to bring an end to this horrible disease that affects so many seniors and their family caregivers. Because of that, I don’t have a fresh column for you this morning, but I have one of my timeless favorites from 2009 when we were still living at Hilton Head Island. I’d like to share it with you here and provide some fresh comments at the end. Here goes…

For those of us who are looking after seniors as well as our own families, our lives are a continual “balancing act.”

Let me share a recent experience that dramatically made this point for me. Recently I took my wife to the movies. As we were entering the lobby, there was a very frail octogenarian mother trying to walk out of the theater beside her robust “50-something” daughter. The mother, feebly trying to walk with a cane and making about 5 inches per step, was reaching out in vain for her daughter’s hand. Finally, the daughter reluctantly granted her hand to her mom and presto, her speed doubled to about 10 inches per step! Mom gave a smile and sigh of relief as she was able to double her pace with her newfound confidence, but daughter gave a grimaced sigh and said “Now why can’t you do that on your own, Mom”?

What I witnessed right there in the theater lobby were two human beings desperately struggling to maintain their balance. Mom was struggling to maintain her physical balance, a universal challenge to all seniors, and daughter was struggling to maintain a balance in encouraging mom to stretch her independent walking abilities vs. lending assistance with a steadying hand.

For us boomers, this balancing act will go on as long as there are seniors in our lives so we better find a good equilibrium. This act has several levels to it. The first is realizing that just maintaining physical balance is a real challenge for all seniors. As George H. W. Bush confessed upon reaching his 80th birthday… even as he went skydiving! Whenever we’re with seniors, we must learn to slow down to their speed; getting up to our speed is no longer an option for them.

But this balancing act goes far beyond walking and climbing stairs..

• What’s the right balance between time spent with our immediate family and the seniors in our lives?
• What’s the right balance in encouraging independence vs. reaching out with a helping hand?
• What’s the right balance of financial assistance to mom or dad vs. college tuition or helping the kids in this difficult financial time we’re in?

All of these are challenging questions we face day in and day out with our seniors. And just the time we think we’ve got it about right, the target moves because mom or dad’s condition changes dramatically, and we have to make a major adjustment. 

We will never always get it right because, like beauty, the right balance “is in the eye of the beholder.” 

From time to time we’ll revisit this issue of balance in this “All About Seniors” column. 

In the meantime, let me close with this thought: When I was watching mother and daughter exit the theater, I believe the better balance would have been struck by the daughter slowing down and reaching out with a little more compassion. 

I suspect that’s a good side to err on and a good note to end on; watch your balance this week. There’s a senior counting on you.

PS… It’s me again in prep for the Sept. 25th column. Every week, on Saturday morning, I try to put myself last by praying for “Personal needs and wants” after putting others before me all week. But in that list of personal needs is a prayer to help me strike the right balance between “The Temporal vs. The Eternal,” especially in regard to my relationship with my grandchildren. Yes, their eternal destiny is important, but so is their homecoming court, cross-country racing, voice lessons, and, and… it is a continuing balancing act, trying to get it right

Thanks for reading All About Seniors… see you next week!

Bill Milby is a Director of Visiting Angels® of Central Georgia, a non-medical, living assistance service for seniors. If you have questions or comments about this column you can reach him at william.mercylink@gmail.com or search for us at  https://www.facebook.com/VisitingAngelsofCentralGA/