Yahoos and more

Whatever happened to the trash compactor? As a teenager responsible for taking out the trash, I thought the compactor was a brilliant invention, and I still do. But it just hasn’t won over Americans. Shows what I know.

I’ve never been a motorcycle rider. But if I’d have been, Harley-Davidson would have been my choice. But Harley has fallen on hard times again. Accused by some of being “woke,” it appears to me that they have simply forgotten who their base is. Even more than that, they appear intent on antagonizing their base. Vintage and recent Harleys are selling for as much as a 75-percent discount, compared to just two years ago. I’m guessing the management yahoos will partner with Bud Light soon to pull out of their slump.

In law, one thing you must prove in most lawsuits is causation. “But for X, Y wouldn’t have happened.” A yahoo is suing JetBlue because her cancer returned when she couldn’t bring her French Bulldog into first class. She was asked to move to the main cabin but was eventually booted off the plane. JetBlue’s website notes that dogs are not allowed in first class. She switched to Delta and they let the critter fly first class, but the lady claims the emotional upheaval of the ordeal caused her cancer to return as Stage 4. I’m sorry her cancer returned, but good luck proving that JetBlue is responsible.

Remember when President Biden named Nina Jankowitz to the Department of Homeland Security’s new “disinformation” board? It caused a righteous upheaval and eventually, she was canned. Fox News reported that she “intended to censor Americans’ speech.” She sued Fox for defamation. The federal judge dismissed her case, ruling she was not immune from criticism and “The Disinformation Governance Board was formed precisely to examine citizens’ speech and, in coordination with the private sector, identify ‘misinformation,’ ‘disinformation,’ and ‘malinformation.’ … that objective is fairly characterized as a form of censorship.” Ms. Jankowitz, yahoo that she is, would never weaponize the government to monitor speech, right?

Some outfit called GuitarWorld recently ranked the top 50 acoustic songs of all time. You know I love lists and rankings. But any acoustic song list that doesn’t have “Yesterday” by the Beatles as #1 is a flawed list. And they didn’t have it in their Top 50! The most covered song of all time, “Yesterday” was an early example of the band’s ingenuity, with only Paul singing while playing an acoustic guitar. Yet these yahoos don’t even have it on their list.

I’m still trying to figure out Georgia’s new law allowing any yahoo to have amber lights on their vehicle. The “pull over” law for emergency vehicles does not apply to yahoos, only to listed things, like cops, tow trucks, and utility company vehicles. But you won’t know that, all you’ll see is a flashing amber light as you drive by. If I figure it out, I’ll let you know. 

The Supreme Court ruled in June (I’m late, I know) that a Jan. 6 defendant could not be charged with obstruction. The Supremes held to a narrower interpretation of a federal statute that imposes criminal liability on anyone who corruptly “alters, destroys, mutilates, or conceals a record, document, or other object, or attempts to do so, with the intent to impair [its use] in an official proceeding.” The government had argued that by obstructing the certification, the defendant was guilty of obstruction, but under the statute, there was no record being impacted. The statute had always been used in evidence-tampering cases until Jan. 6. Every protest, no matter how small or insignificant, could be obstruction had Biden’s Justice Department’s practice been upheld. I wonder if those government yahoos ever intend to use it against the Hamas protesters?

Finally, remember the young lass who went viral complaining about her soul-sucking 9-5 job? How she had no personal time? Well, turns out she’s not alone. Gen Z doesn’t care for the traditional 9-5 job of Henry Ford. They want more out of life. I don’t blame them and I wish them well. I hope my kids have it better than I do. I had it pretty darn good. Those and 100 more things have perplexed me, but I’ll move on, now that you get to ponder them. 

Tomorrow is my son’s 26th birthday! The smartest, humblest, and quietest kid ever, he’s got it going on. Happy Birthday, Grant! (His five sisters are smart and moderately humble, but quiet? Not so much. I love them dearly, but they will let me hear it when I’m wrong, and I’m often wrong.)

Kelly Burke, attorney, former district attorney, and magistrate judge, writes about the law, rock’n’roll, and politics or anything that strikes him. Contact Kelly at dakellyburke@gmail.com to comment on this article or suggest articles you’d like to see, and visit his website at www.kellyrburke.com.