The Varsity

My favorite restaurant ever is the Varsity. Affectionately called the greasy V, that’s a misnomer. Well, the onion rings can be a little greasy, and the fries are sometimes greasy, but the hot dogs are the claim to fame and are never greasy. They have hamburgers (called streaks), chicken, and even salads now, but hot dogs are the staple.

My dad took me to the Varsity in 1971, and I’ve been in love with it ever since. Once I attended Tech, it became a weekly ritual. My four years at Tech, I was never sick a single day, and the Varsity was my secret weapon. If I ever started to feel bad or run down, I went to the Varsity and ate six chili cheese dogs, fries, rings, a fried pie, and a large FO (Frosted Orange shake). That’s 4,730 calories, give or take. My theory was no bug or virus could survive that.

The Varsity Is famous for the “what’ll you have” greeting. During most of life, I stood in Erby Walker’s line. It was for men only. Seriously. No hemming or hawing about your order, either. Your money better be in your hand or he skipped you. His line moved at warp speed due to his warning: “Have your money out and your food on your mind, and I’ll getcha to the game on time!”

Women were directed to the full serve counter, where they were patient with customers. After Erby’s retirement, the line lost its uniqueness and now allows women. It’s no longer an express line. Hate me if you want.

A typical woman ordering:

“Oh, let me see what I want.” You’ve been in line five minutes, it just occurred to you to plan your order?

“What’s good today?” Lady, it’s the Varsity. Nothing is good for you, but it all tastes good.

“I can’t decide between the FO and a milkshake. Which do you prefer?” The FO is what you want. That will be $10.50.

“Oh yeah, let me get my purse out.” She starts to rummage through her bag. Did she not know she has to pay for her order?

I know that’s misogynistic. But I dare you to watch and tell me it’s not true. It happens a lot. Women are the cotton candy in our lives. They love, care, and console us mortal men. They nurture us orangutans from birth. They tolerate our unfounded sense of superiority. But they can’t be prepared at the drive through, or at the Varsity.

The Varsity serves over 30,000 people on a football game day. They couldn’t do that if it was all women—they just couldn’t.

On a typical day, it serves 12,000 hot dogs, 5,000 fruit pies, 300 gallons of chili, 2,500 pounds of fries, 2,000 pounds of onions, and more Coca-Cola than anywhere else in the world. The food is consistently good and quality is at the forefront. Customer service is prized.

One late night my law school roommate, in an inebriated state, got his order and promptly spilled his tray on the floor. He was scrambling to collect his food off the terrazo floor. The counter server kept telling him to “Give it here!” Brian was yelling, “No! It’s mine!” I was laughing and told him that they would give him a new order. He said they’d never do that in Boston. I said you’re not in Boston, this is the South.

The Varsity takes up two city blocks. It’s coming up on 100 years old! It’s a tradition unlike any other. Fogo de Chao Brazil? Natalia’s? Greek Village? All great, but I’ll take the Varsity.

If I can ever eat again.

Kelly Burke was born in Knoxville where he spent his younger years, followed by high school years in Atlanta where he graduated from Georgia Tech. He then graduated from Mercer Law School. He has been in private practice, a magistrate judge, and an elected district attorney. He writes about the law, politics, music and Ireland. He and his wife enjoy gardening, playing with their Lagotto Ramanolo named George Harrison, and spending time with their grandchildren.