The most dangerous answer: ‘I don’t have any friends’ 

When I was in seminary, a bishop came to speak to our class. He knew he was speaking to a room full of people who would likely become pastors one day, and he shared something heavy.

He said one of the hardest parts of his job as a bishop was taking away someone’s credentials—telling a pastor they could no longer serve. Like all people, pastors face temptation, and sometimes they fall in ways that hurt others and disqualify them from ministry.

Whenever he had to conduct one of those painful exit interviews, he said he always asked the same question:

“Who are your friends?”

And 100% of the time—every single time—the person would answer:

“I don’t have any.”

I thought about that story last week, as we wrapped up a Methodist Men’s gathering at Perry Methodist Church. Bo McGowan, a veteran Air Force pilot, spoke to us about the life-or-death importance of having a wingman. In the cockpit, you don’t survive without one. And in life, it’s not much different.

Whether you’re in the pulpit or the pew, at home or at work, in the light or in the dark—you are not meant to go it alone. We all need a wingman.

That brings me to a list I’ve kept for years: words from Fred Craddock, one of the finest teachers of preaching. Though he originally spoke to future pastors, his wisdom applies just as well to anyone trying to follow Jesus. Here is the first half of his guidance:

1. Find your own voice. We have all heard good speakers, but no one speaks well enough to be imitated. Your favorite voice may be a violin, but you may discover you are a trumpet.

2. Be faithful in daily work. The key to consistency is the discipline of daily work. I am sorry that daily work is very often not exciting. But remember: there is more to walking than dancing.

3. Keep reading. The surest way to stop growing is to stop reading. Master one good book, and you will be able to read all others with greater ease and profit.

4. Follow through on your impulses. Carry through on every good impulse before a new one smothers the preceding one. A person cannot live very long on impulses unattended.

5. Mind your own soul. Careful attention to the sins of others does not release you from struggles with your own. Choose devotional material that strengthens character. And beware: there are sins of the spirit as well as sins of the flesh. Be on guard when an answer to prayer leaves you smug, superior, or exempt.

6. Accept that you may never know your effectiveness. Learn to live with the fact that there are few, if any, clues to your effectiveness. Popularity and unpopularity are worthless as tests of value.

7. Trust truth even when you can’t feel it. Not everything you do will be confirmed by public response. Feelings are no true gauge of importance. Some things are true even while we are asleep.

Next week, I’ll share the second half of Craddock’s wisdom—guidance for staying cheerful without being careless, and what to do when your faith feels far away.

Rev. Tom Carruth is the Senior Pastor of Perry Methodist Church.