The discipline of discipleship in marriage

Unfortunately, when it comes to marriage, most Christian couples don’t view discipleship and discipline as going together. The words “discipleship” and “discipline” sound similar, but for many in Christendom, that’s where the similarities end. The words “discipleship” and “discipline” also look related, but for many in marriage, that’s where the resemblance come to a screeching halt.

Discipline is most often seen as harsh or mean-spirited. Where church is concerned, discipline is unfairly pigeon-holed into the thought of beating individuals up…in Jesus’ name! While that isn’t at all what authentic church discipline is about, certainly some churches have misrepresented the practice.

Right now, you may be saying to yourself, “What does church discipline have to do with the growth of faith between married individuals?” The question is understandable because the two just don’t seem to connect, but we challenge you to think in a different way. Contrarily to what may be popular belief, our outlook says you can’t have a thorough conversation about one without the other, and the reasons are quite simple. Discipleship is becoming more like Jesus. It’s about answering the call Jesus gave to, “Follow me, and I will make you fishers of men” (Matthew 4:19).

As we respond to the Word of God with faith and repentance, we begin a lifelong journey of becoming increasingly more like Jesus. As we grow in both discipleship and discipline, we learn to speak like Christ, think like Christ and live according to His will. We learn to love the things He loves and hate the things He hates to the degree, resulting in a deepening discipleship with Christ. Through the process, we continuously learn to be more dedicated disciples of Jesus.

As kingdom couples, this must also be our mandate when it comes to perfecting ourselves as disciplined disciples of Christ within marriage. The Bible records these words for our understanding in Titus 2:4-6: “These older women must train the younger women to love their husbands and their children, to live wisely and be pure, to work in their homes, to do good, and to be submissive to their husbands. Then they will not bring shame on the word of God. In the same way, encourage the young men to live wisely.”

But sometimes, we get jammed. Sometimes, we go in reverse. Sometimes, we get off-track. We all have erred from the road at some point; none of us have “arrived” at the place where we’re just like Jesus. It is an endless process, and we must stay the course. That takes discipline. Yes, discipleship requires ‘’discipline!’’ The disciple is that one who has been taught or trained by the Master. The disciple has come with his/her ignorance, superstitions and sins, to find learning, truth and forgiveness from the Savior.

Without discipline, we are not Christ’s disciples, even if we profess His name and pass for a believer. In an unmanageable phase, when liberty and license have replaced law and loyalty, there is a greater need than ever before that we be disciplined to be Christ’s disciples even with the institution of marriage. Discipleship necessitates the discipline of transformation, wherein we recognize our lost position because of rebellion against God, and with repentance, come to the Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ.

This discipline is difficult for the carnal heart of each one, for we will not humble ourselves to admit our sin and shame; but it is easy for the honest and good heart that sees itself in the light of Jesus’ sacrifice for our sin. Without discipline, we are not His sons.

Listen, married friends. As God’s children, we need the exhortation, “… despise not thou the chastening of the Lord, nor faint when thou art rebuked of Him; for whom the Lord loveth he chastened, and scourged every son who he received’’ (Hebrews 12:5-6). As Scripture indicates, this discipline may not seem “to be joyous, but (rather) grievous: nevertheless, afterward it yielded the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby’’ (Hebrews 12:11).

This world’s climate of uncertainty, generated by social and cultural norms, makes it essential that Christians of today recognize and put into practice marriages based the teachings of Jesus. Marriage remains the most intimate of human relationships—more intimate than that of friends, sisters, and brothers, more intimate even than that of parents and children. In marriage, the love that binds us together is immeasurably deepened through our disciplined discipleship with Christ and one another.

Drs. Michael & Kendra Holmes are the senior pastors of Deliverance Revival Church in Warner Robins, Ga., the founders of Royalty Relationship Coaching, LLC, the authors of the 31-day devotional, “Cross-Fire: Igniting Passionate, Purposeful, and Powerful Relationships” and the founders of the faith-based newspaper, The Royal Trumpet. W.A.R. is an acronym for “We Are Royalty,” TM the official slogan of Royalty Relationship Coaching, LLC. Visit the website at www.RoyaltyRelationshipCoaching.com.

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