The blessing of the Father

On the first day that we met, we knew that God had brought us together. That’s what can happen when you seek God for His will in your life, even when it comes to marriage.

Love at first sight is among those things surrounding relationships that many people debate, but it’s not a point we waste time arguing about in hopes of convincing skeptics. Anything that one has never personally experienced will always be something that he/she has reason to have reservations about. We are confident in our unique story, and we are very thankful for how God wrote it. So instead of defending it, we let our life do the speaking for us.

Although we were very much adults and had long been out of our parents’ houses at the time we connected, it was important for us to have the blessings of the one man that we both call Dad (Kendra’s father). With Father’s Day right around the corner, this seems like the perfect time to address this issue and honor Daddy at the same time. Unfortunately, in current day, parents aren’t respected like they used to be, so this may be considered an outdated practice in the minds of most. But there used to be a time when men met with the bride’s father, seeking permission to ask for his daughter’s hand, before moving forward. It was a step in the process that we followed. Having Daddy’s approval was important to us.

It’s significant to know that the hand being requested was that of a woman who is very much a “Daddy’s girl.” Noteworthy also, is the fact that at the time Dad’s blessing was being requested, only a short span—a little more than 200 days—had passed since the first time we’d laid eyes on each other. Dad granting his blessing with no hesitation, especially under those circumstances, meant the world to us.

If the blessing of a natural father can be that important, think how much more essential it should be to have the blessing of our Father in heaven!

“He who finds a [true and faithful] wife finds a good thing and obtains favor and approval from the Lord” (Proverbs 18:22 – AMP). Marriage is a covenant that is ordained by God. It is the sacred vow of a man and a woman to become one flesh. (We talked about the power of that oneness in last week’s column.) Marriage is simply not something to be entered into without first consulting the One who established it. We cannot express how vital it is to enter the marriage covenant ONLY after receiving God’s blessing.

Almost everyone—whether they are a Christian or not, whether they are a churchgoer or not—can quote Mark 10:9 without even looking it up in Scripture. It’s just one sentence, but the message behind it is powerful. “What therefore God hath joined together, let no man put asunder.”

In a world wherein it is estimated that 50% of all marriages end in divorce, one might be tempted to question the validity of that text. If no man can separate a married couple, why are so many unions falling apart? There are many reasons that can be offered to answer that question. Marrying too young … marrying too quickly … the lack of communication … financial struggles … unfaithfulness … verbal, physical or emotional abuse … the list can go on and on. But let’s consider, for just a moment, that even when these issues come in to play, the root of the failure is because many never had the blessing of the Father (God).

The aforementioned Scripture does not give a blanket statement that any and every marriage can’t be torn apart by outside forces. Rather, what it more precisely indicates is that only those marriages that the Father has blessed (“what therefore God has joined together”) are the ones that outside forces are not allowed to destroy (“let no man put asunder”). This is how important it is that we know with all certainty that it is not our fleshly desires, our professional agendas, our need for “completion,” our longing to be validated or some other shallow motive, that brings us to the point of entering into the marriage covenant. This is a decision that should be orchestrated and blessed by God. Period!

If everyone who has experienced a divorce would look back with honest (and we mean completely honest) eyes, how many would be willing to admit that the failed marriages of the past were ones that were entered into without God’s consent? We probably didn’t pray about it—and if we did, can we, in all truthfulness, say we also followed the direction of God’s answer? Please don’t misinterpret our stance. We are not saying that every marriage is doomed to fail unless God prearranged it. What we are saying, however, is that God is not obligated to PRESERVE what He did not PREPARE.

For clarity, we use the term “outside forces” in our interpretation of the “man” that is identified in the latter part of the Scripture, “…let no man put asunder.” While God will protect what He has ordained and block the enemy from coming in and destroying it, we do believe it is very possible for God to bless a covenant and it be torn apart by those on the INSIDE (the husband and/or the wife).

Ecclesiastes 4:12 (AMP) tells us, “A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” In marriage, that three-strand cord consists of God, the husband and the wife. God will never fall short of His promises. He will never break ties with us. However, if either the husband or the wife willfully breaches the covenant they made, the resulting brokenness is on them.

When a God-blessed couple takes vows, it is their mandate to uphold them. Should one choose to function in violation of the promises they’ve made before God and to their spouse, they are, in essence, telling the Father, “I know you honored my prayers and blessed me with this amazing husband/wife, but I’m more concerned with fulfilling my own selfish lusts/desires/agendas than I am with reverencing you or cherishing my spouse as your Word commands.” It is the equivalence of God giving a man/woman a rare, priceless gift and them ungratefully throwing it back in His face.

To have the blessings of the Father on our marriages should be something that we all not only desire, but require for our unions. Proverbs 10:22 (NKJV) says, “The blessing of the Lord, makes one rich, and He adds no sorrow with it.” People are always searching for the answer to this question: What is the secret to a happy marriage?” According to that Scripture, the real secret is to have a marriage that has been blessed by God.

Bishop Harold H. Norman is not only our earthly father, but also a praying man; a servant of God who has given over five decades of his life to ministry and to the work of the Lord. Because of that, we knew that his approval wasn’t simply a nod from a common man with no spiritual foresight or vision. Getting Daddy’s blessing served as confirmation of what God had already assured us on the day we met. That we had the blessing of the Father, and our marriage would become the ministry that God had ordained from the beginning of time.

Drs. Michael & Kendra Holmes are the senior pastors of Deliverance Revival Church in Warner Robins, the founders of Royalty Relationship Coaching, LLC, and the authors of the devotional, “Cross-Fire: Igniting Passionate, Purposeful, and Powerful Relationships.” W.A.R. is an acronym for “We Are Royalty,” the official slogan of Royalty Relationship Coaching, LLC. Visit the website at www.RoyaltyRelationshipCoaching.com.

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