Snakes, leprechauns and St. Pat: A tale about March 17

A very long time ago the good people of Ireland had a problem.

The rolling green hills of the Emerald Isle were overrun with snakes. I mean they were just eat up with them. Everywhere you stepped, there was a snake. Behind every door, there was another snake. Lift up the toilet seat? Yet another snake. Pull back the bed covers? A snake curled up for a nap. 

Folks were at their wits end. They needed a hero, someone to rid the land of the plague of serpents. And a hero they got. 

Pat rolled into town on a howling hog one sunny afternoon. In the sidecar was his trusty sidekick, the leprechaun. Nobody knew where he came from, no one knew his name. Some people called him Lucky. Others called him Shorty. But one thing no one ever called him was Irving.  

It didn’t take Pat and Irving, I mean Lucky, to see something foul was afoot. Pulling his trusty shillelagh from his back, Pat commences to rampage. He chased down every snake he could and gave them the beating of their life. Soon the other snakes were scared to show their faces. On March 17 they held a secret meeting to plan their revenge. 

But leprechauns are good at figuring out secrets. The jig was up. Pat rounded them up and tied them in a sack. Then he mailed the sack to Washington D.C. where the snakes lived happily ever after in a place called Congress. 

The people were overjoyed. To thank Pat for his good deed, the people of Ireland gave him and his leprechaun buddy a lifetime supply of green beer, novelty t-shirts and top hats.

And that, dear reader, is why we celebrate St. Patrick’s Day. Or at least it might as well be. The day is typically used as an excuse to overindulge in alcohol, which leads to the telling and listening of ridiculous stories. 

It’s also the busiest day of the year for green food coloring manufacturers. All that Pabst Blue Ribbon isn’t going to dye itself, not to mention all those rivers around the country. Though I’ll never understand the appeal of green water.

The real St. Patrick is credited for doing some good things in his life. His first trip to Ireland came sometime back in the 5th Century after he was captured by pirates. At 16 years old, he was forced to keep watch over the pirates’ herds of various animals. He managed to escape and return to Britain. He later became a Cleric and returned to Ireland to spread Christianity. 

Legend has it that he cleared out all of Ireland’s snakes, running them into the sea. However, there is no evidence to suggest that Ireland ever had a snake problem, or any snakes at all. Maybe it’s an allegory for his missionary work. We celebrate his life on March 17, the day legend says he died. 

Sometimes legend ends up having more power than the truth. 

However you find yourself celebrating St. Patrick’s Day, may the sunshine upon you, the wind be at your back and the green beer stay in your stomach.

HHJ News