Repercussions of the fall on marriage

In a recent article published on comparecamp.com, a writer shared the dismal news that marriage numbers are on the decline. Even more grim is the revelation that in the almost four decades that separated 1970 and 2008, the divorce rate more than doubled on a global level. The current divorce rate in America is estimated at 44.6%. Historically, that’s not the highest that it has been, but that’s still far too many fallen marriages.

Recent challenges such as those brought on by COVID-19 over the past two years have not helped to improve the situation. Pandemic-related issues like joblessness, chronic illnesses, kids having to be home schooled, families being confound inside homes for extended periods of time, the limitations placed on extracurricular activities—all these things can weigh heavily on a marriage.

Speaking on behalf of ourselves, spending endless time together is ultra-enticing. That has been our normal existence for the whole of our marriage. Even pre-COVID, if we weren’t on our individual corporate jobs, we were spending almost all of our time together. But whereas that’s a way of life for us, we are abundantly aware that this level of closeness is totally unappealing to other couples under covenant. As pastors, as well as marriage and relationship coaches, we frequently come in contact with spouses that are unlike us.

If we add to that, the unfortunate reality that many couples are not looking toward God for the direction in which their marriage should go, this makes matters far worse. When husbands and wives don’t have a foundation built on Jesus Christ—when He is not the head of their union—every test or trial is magnified. This didn’t just start with current day covenants. Not following God and not obeying His commands have led to the downfall of marriages since the very beginning.

Eve dined on the forbidden fruit (fruit God instructed them NOT to eat) and shared it with her husband (Genesis 3:6), thus creating a curse upon humanity and upon the marriage itself (Genesis 3:14–19). We face several consequences today as a result. Men would not have been charged to earn a living by the sweat of their brow. Women would not have the lot in life to go through the pain that comes with childbirth. As a matter of fact, had it not been for Adam and Eve’s disobedience, mankind would not have to face illness or the aging process or the enemy we know as death. Yet, because they chose to sin, the curse of sickness, the curse of pain, the curse of struggle and a limited life duration on earth was set into motion.

The consequence of their disobedience to God in the Garden of Eden has reverberated throughout the centuries. The same happens even today. When we sin against God, it never just affects us. It affects our children, our grandchildren and all the generations to follow.

There is a principle in Scripture that the older and more original a thing is, the more power it has. What this means for us is that the sin that Adam and Eve perpetrated against one another and against their marriage tends to be a powerful stranglehold present in many marriages today.

After the first couple’s fall in the garden, which stemmed from Eve’s failure to confer with her husband about the serpent’s temptation and her defiance to God, the Lord had something very important to say. “Your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you” (Genesis 3:16).

After Adam and Eve sinned, the clash of the genders began! Grasping the word “desire” in verse 16 will make this point even stronger. This word is the same Hebrew word used in Genesis 4:7, where God tells Cain, “And if you do not do well, sin lies at the door. And its desire is for you, but you should rule over it.” This term, desire, comes from an Arabic root that means “to compel, impel, urge, or seek control over.” Sin wanted to conquer Cain, but God instructed Cain to master sin.

In illumination of this definition of the word, desire, the curse on Eve was that woman’s desire from this time would be to presume the position of man’s headship, and that he would defy that desire and would rule over her.

The Hebrew word for “rule” in verse six is not the same word used by God in Genesis 1:28 when He tells Adam to subdue the earth. Instead, it represents a new word of authoritarianism that was not in God’s original plan for man’s headship.

With the fall and its curse came the distortion of woman’s proper submissiveness and man’s proper authority. At this point in antiquity, women’s liberation and male chauvinism came into existence. Women have a sinful proclivity to seize the authority of men, and men have a sinful tendency to put women under their feet.

It should be no surprise to us, whether we are married or not, that in today’s post-modernistic times, there is escalating strain against the Christian way of life. The culture of the world today could not be more hostile toward Christian life and marriage, as well as the family unit as we know it. We are seeing such an escalation in corruption and promiscuousness across all generations, particularly the younger generation. It’s disturbing to think that children are becoming caught up in such corruption and debauchery and are led to believe that such behavior is not just acceptable but quickly becoming the standard.

In essence, what we are witnessing is an increase in a culture of uncleanness in the society in which we live and an increasing pressure for us as Christians to accept this culture. What we can find comfort in, however, is that the Word of God provide us with such clarity regarding the consecration of Christian marriage.

When Adam and Eve sinned in the Garden of Eden, it had massive implications upon their marriage. It impacted on them as husband and wife and furthermore upon their roles as head and helper. It is important to remember that it was Adam who received the command not to eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. It was Adam’s responsibility to obey the command as it was delivered to him. And, having been fashioned as a “helper suitable for him,” Eve was required to stand with Adam in his obedience to God’s Word. We know that God’s command is also His word of protection for us.

If we make the choice to refuse the cross of Christ in our marriages, we will become compelled by the embezzled knowledge of good and evil. There is no doubting that is what will happen. We must stand on the Word of God and remain in the will of our heavenly Father. He is our keeper and our sustainer. Marriages build on the foundation of HIM will indeed face challenges and storms, but if the husband and the wife remain steadfast in their determination to be faithful to the commands of God, the marriage will not fall.

Often, for many couples in their marriages—and this also extends to courting couples— their relationship has been established and entered on the foundation of carnal idealism. A couple must understand that their marriage will become a lie if it is based on self-centered agendas, shared agreements or exchange and haggling as means to find compatibility. Rather than exhausting ourselves to become compatible with one another, we should seek to find comparability by becoming one spirit in Christ.

Drs. Michael & Kendra Holmes are the senior pastors of Deliverance Revival Church in Warner Robins, Ga., the founders of Royalty Relationship Coaching, LLC, the authors of the 31-day devotional, “Cross-Fire: Igniting Passionate, Purposeful, and Powerful Relationships” and guest hosts of the television talk show, “The Marriage Circle Connection.” W.A.R. is an acronym for “We Are Royalty,” ™ the official slogan of Royalty Relationship Coaching, LLC. Visit the website at www.RoyaltyRelationshipCoaching.com.

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