“Re” words for kingdom marriages – Part I

The prefix “re” most often means, “again” or “again and again.” It indicates repetition. There’s no set limit to how many times you can “re.” It is often said that in Scripture, when God repeats Himself, it is to keep whatever He has said in forefront of our minds so that we do not forget. There are some things that are so important to our relationship with God and to our relationship with our spouses that we have to do or say them again and again. The prefix “re” can be vital, and in the next few columns, we want to highlight four important words that indicate an “again and again” approach to strengthening relationships.

This week’s word is REKINDLE. What does it mean? First, let’s establish that it is a verb, which means it requires action! To rekindle is to excite, stir up, or rouse ANEW. Marriage should be viewed as a beautiful, never-ending adventure of living together, loving each other, serving one another and worshipping together. Being married is a daily journey that is kept fresh and exciting because of the things we do again and again to remind ourselves of how sacred and invaluable our covenant is.

This relationship rekindling process isn’t only a must-have in marriage; it’s also necessary when it comes to our relationship with Christ. Remember—strong marriages require a three-strand cord. Christ must not be left out of the equation. Because of that, we must remain ever-growing in Him. Staying close to Him and becoming strong in Him is a day-by-day process. We don’t simply decide to accept Christ as our Savior one day, and then do nothing to maintain it as we move forward in life. Praying, meditating, fasting, and reading God’s Word are some of the things that help stir up our relationship with Him daily. Worshipping God is one of the most intimate things that we can do with Him. When we worship Him, we don’t just say we love Him; we prove it.

In similar fashion, here are a few suggestions to rekindle marriage relationships between spouses:

Avoid insulting each other and stop the blame game. We should speak to our spouses more kindly than we do anyone else. We should always treat them with the utmost honor and respect. Even in times when married couples disagree with one another, there should never be use of derogatory words, name-calling, profanity, or any such awful thing. Abuse of any kind, whether physically, mentally, or verbally is off limits PERIOD!

Spice it up! If you’re a spouse that has been distant but your mate desires closeness, step out of your comfort zone! Selfishness has no place in marriage, but sacrifice does! Make a conscious effort to more frequently initiate romantic and intimate activities. On the other hand, if you’re the more “pursuing” spouse, and your mate appreciates their personal space; find ways to show affection that maybe aren’t so physically smothering to your husband or wife, if she or he isn’t the “touchy-feely” type. REMEMBER intimacy is much deeper than just sexual relations; it encompasses so much more.

This is why it’s important to know your spouse’s love language. Whereas physical touch may be your love language, your spouse’s may be one of the other four: words of affirmation, receiving gifts, quality time, or acts of service. Learn your spouse’s love language and SPEAK IT … again and again as an act of rousing them anew!

Draw a distinction between sexual intimacy and routinely planned intimate time. As much as possible, when in the bedroom, try not to talk about relationship struggles or household tasks, and especially avoid holding arguments. Sexual arousal plunges when we are distracted and stressed. For these type discussions, try to choose a different room in the house so that the bedroom can be kept sacred and not lose its amorous flair.

As it relates to rekindling our relationship with God, the Bible says, in Psalm 34:17-19: (The Passion Translation): “Yet when holy lovers of God cry out to him with all their hearts, the Lord will hear them and come to rescue them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to all whose hearts are crushed by pain, and he is always ready to restore the repentant one…”

Regarding our covenant relationship with our Father, this is what is said in 2 Timothy 1:9 (New Living Translation): “For God saved us and called us to live a holy life. He did this, not because we deserved it, but because it was His plan from before the beginning of time—to show us His grace through Christ Jesus.”

In addition to that, 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5 (TPT) says, “God’s will is for you to be set apart for him in holiness and that you keep yourselves unpolluted from sexual defilement. Yes, each of you must guard your sexual purity with holiness and dignity, not yielding to lustful passions like those who do not know God.”

Couples who know each other intimately, and are well acquainted with each other’s likes, disapprovals, personality quirks, hopes, and dreams are couples who are in harmony. Few things can compare to a harmonious marriage. Having your covenant partner not only be your spouse, but your best friend, your lover and your confidant – there is absolutely nothing like it.

This is God’s perspective on the matter shared from 1 Peter 3:8 (TPT): “Now, this is the goal: to live in harmony with one another and demonstrate affectionate love, sympathy, and kindness toward other believers. Let humility describe who you are as you dearly love one another.” In Romans 14:19 (TPT) we find the words, “So then, make it your top priority to live a life of peace with harmony in your relationships, eagerly seeking to strengthen and encourage one another.” And finally, Romans 12:16 (TPT) encourages us to: “Live happily together in a spirit of harmony and be as mindful of another’s worth as you are your own. Do not live with a lofty mind-set, thinking you are too important to serve others, but be willing to do menial tasks and identify with those who are humble minded. Do not be self-righteous or even think for a moment that you know it all.”

Never let your relationships with Christ or with your spouse get old, boring or stale. When this is allowed to happen, the enemy—satan himself—will step in and attempt to set detours and traps that are intended to divide, conquer and destroy. If he can separate us from Christ, there is nothing to stop him from separating us from each other. When we fail to be reminded of how priceless a gift was the life of our Savior, who willingly died that we might have a right to eternal life; we give all the room the devil needs to plant seeds in our minds and hearts that will disconnect us from our ultimate Life Source.

Similarly, when we neglect our spouses, we give him the opportunity to do the same. A wedding and a marriage are two different things. One lasts only but a brief while. The other is intended to last a lifetime. When we truly recognize that, we will also realize the magnitude of the importance of rekindling—again and again—the fire and the passion that brought us together. No matter your age or how long you’ve been married, rekindling is possible and necessary. As the old saying goes, “Don’t nothing get old but clothes!”

Drs. Michael & Kendra Holmes are the senior pastors of Deliverance Revival Church in Warner Robins, the founders of Royalty Relationship Coaching, LLC, the authors of the 31-day devotional, “Cross-Fire: Igniting Passionate, Purposeful, and Powerful Relationships,” and guest hosts of the new television talk show, “The Marriage Circle Connection.” W.A.R. is an acronym for “We Are Royalty,” the official slogan of Royalty Relationship Coaching, LLC. Visit the website at www.RoyaltyRelationshipCoaching.com.

HHJ News