On the important skill of using a broom

There aren’t too many days that go by that I don’t have to clean up after my robot vacuum. What an age we live in. 

That may sound ironic, but yes, the thing designed to keep my house clean is causing more problems than it solves. Several afternoons I enter my home to find things askew, items dragged across the floor and the machine stuck, having wedged itself in a corner or under a piece of furniture with a low clearance. Once I even found it wrapped up like a mummy in an entire roll of toilet paper. The poor thing looked like it panicked and spun around until its battery gave out. 

So much for the robot revolution. 

I haven’t thrown it out yet, though, and resumed sweeping like a peasant. Call it an unhealthy attachment to inanimate objects, especially ones I’ve got my money tied up in. 

Sweeping is a dying skill that more people need to pick up. My father always told me “when in doubt, grab a broom,” meaning when you’re on the job, always stay productive. Even if your assigned tasks are finished, there’s always something to be done and it’s better to look busy than to be caught with your hands in your pockets, or worse, staring at your phone. 

Somebody needs to tell that to my vacuum cleaner, instead of it taking naps under the couch. 

Despite the failures of robotics and some folks fear of them, science marches on. The world record time in a half-marathon now belongs to a machine. 

A red humanoid device called Lightening completed a 13.1-mile trek in Beijing, China in 50 minutes and 26 seconds. That is seven minutes quicker than the fastest recorded human time. Seven minutes is a long time in the running world. Robots, of course, don’t have to worry about getting dehydrated and have a team of technicians following close behind to pick them up when they fall and redirect them when they make a wrong turn.  

I used to enjoy a nice run. The last time I participated in an endurance event, though, my knees started to ache at mile 7, and by the 11th mile, I was second-guessing every decision I ever made and wondering why I hadn’t picked up a nice sedentary hobby like crocheting. 

I had signed up for a full marathon, but a torrential rain began to fall and the race was terminated at the halfway point. I wasn’t upset and I still received a marathon finisher’s medal. 

If the running robot mechanics can fashion me a new set of knees, have your people call my people. In the meantime I’ll stick to walking the dog and the occasional fun run. 

I fail to see how a running robot solves any of the world’s problems and why I should be impressed. But please let me know if they make one that knows how to use a broom.