No rum cake for Thanksgiving this year

We were traveling last weekend to an out of town funeral for a senior family member, and, because this is Thanksgiving week, the HHJ editor sent me an email that the column would need to be submitted earlier than usual. So I decided it would be a good time to share this column with you from Thanksgiving week of 2010. So the story I’m sharing in this column is dated by thirteen years now, but it’s not the particular facts of this story that are important; it is the fact that all of us will have changing circumstances as we, and loved ones age.

Now, before you put down the paper because this is a “Re-run” column, I urge you to read it to the end where I’ll share with you a website run by the National Council on Aging that can potentially help you with customized assistance programs by zip code for everything from Supplemental Food Programs, Property Tax Relief, Energy Assistance, Section 8 and Public Housing, Broadband Assistance and much more. You will find this web site very intuitive and easy to navigate. So, let’s see why we’re not having any rum cake for Thanksgiving this year.

Over the years mom’s rum cake has become an integral part of the festivities as our four generations of our family gather to celebrate Thanksgiving and other special occasions. This year we’ll have to do without the rum cake because mom is recovering from a 10 day stay in the hospital.

Four years ago her husband had a stroke and now suffers from vascular dementia.

We’ve all learned to adjust reasonably well because mom was able to take over the driver’s seat , not only of their Honda CR-V, but also of most every other aspect of their lives. Physically, dad goes along for the ride, but can’t participate much more than that. He can’t be left alone even for a brief period of time.

But now with mom and dad (87 and 90 year’s young respectively) both down, there are more adjustments to be made than just forgoing the rum cake for Thanksgiving dinner. For example, it’s Sunday morning and I’m writing this from home as my wife and two teenage sons just went off to church. In an hour, we’ll swap as I go to teach Sunday School and my wife comes home to be here with her step father. That’s a minor but real adjustment that has to be made when mom and dad are both down. The real adjustment will come if and when mom can no longer drive!

When seniors are incapacitated someone usually bears the ultimate responsibility and in this case, it’s my wife. Her only other sibling lives 700 miles away; her step father’s daughter lives 7 hours away. I try to help and be as sympathetic as I can, but as she said last night, 100% of the emotional responsibility rests on her shoulders. Everything in her life has to change to accommodate “her new children” as she calls them.

These are our circumstances for the moment. They will change day by day as we care for our seniors. Your circumstances are different, but nonetheless stressful as you also cope with the ever evolving circumstances of your seniors. As we walk through these years looking after our seniors’ needs, as well as our own and our teens’, it is so important that we realize early on that we can’t do it all ourselves. The last thing our families need is for another family member to go down while providing care for seniors.

So, whatever it takes, be sure the primary caregiver gets some relief from both the physical and emotional responsibility of providing care. The staff at Visiting Angels© may not be able to bake a rum cake for your Thanksgiving dinner, but they can provide a free , no obligation consultation on what resources are available in your special circumstances as you look after your seniors. Alternatively, you might try this web-site for customized benefits by postal zip code that may be available to your seniors: BenefitsCheckup, www.benefitscheckup.org

I hope you and your family have a blessed Thanksgiving Day this year!

Thanks for reading All About Seniors…..see you next week!

Bill Milby is a Director of Visiting Angels® of Central Georgia, a non-medical, living assistance service for seniors. If you have questions or comments about this column you can reach him at william.mercylink@gmail.com or search for us at https://www.facebook.com/VisitingAngelsofCentralGA

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