Married under the influence of the Holy Spirit

Personal dedication — as it pertains to marriage — refers to the desire of each husband and wife to maintain or improve the quality of his or her relationship for the joint benefit of the couple. It is evidenced by a desire and associated behaviors, not only to continue in the relationship, but also to improve it, to sacrifice for it, to invest in it, to link personal goals to it and to seek the partner’s welfare, not simply one’s own. When it comes to Christians, this takes more than the husband and the wife. They need the help of a greater influence.

To break this down further, allow us to “un-spiritualize” just it for a moment. Since we’re writing this column for a newspaper, let’s focus on what media often tells us about influence. Current day, it’s not uncommon to see headlines regarding vehicle mishaps that include the words “driving under the influence of alcohol” or more simply put, “DUI-Alcohol.”

In Christendom, we would love to invent a new term that’s adopted widespread among kingdom couples. That term is “married under the influence of the Holy Spirit.” Imagine how awesome it would be if every married couple was “MUI-Holy Spirit!” It might sound strange to compare drunkenness with being filled with the Holy Spirit, but in Ephesians 5:18 we are told not to be drunk with wine but to instead be filled with the Spirit. We can sum up Paul’s point with the word “influence.” People who are driving drunk are “driving under the influence,” and just as alcohol has the potential to influence, so does the Holy Spirit.

The Greek word for “be filled” is pleroo, which means “keep on being filled” or “stay filled” with the Spirit. Paul is talking about something that should be ongoing in the lives of kingdom couples. Christians need to allow—and trust—the Holy Spirit to influence them as husbands and wives. Marriage reflects Christ and the church. Does God want Christ and the church to have a great relationship? Absolutely! Does He want the world to witness Christian marriages that wonderfully represent Christ’s relationship with the church? Without a doubt!

God has given us His indwelling Spirit to help make that happen. The key word here is HELP. The Holy Spirit is not going to supernaturally take control of a marriage when the couple involved is not committed to putting forth the necessary effort. But when we cooperate with the Holy Spirit, He helps us! Couples who are more committed to their marriages are willing to commit to a labor of love to make their relationship work. This effort would likely lead not only to greater marital stability but to greater satisfaction and meaning in our unions.

Understand that no covenant is trouble-free. Every marriage goes through tests and crises at times, but these can bring about an increase in love, and true love provides the strength needed to meet every test. It requires acts of serving one another in humble, mutual submission. True love is born of the Holy Spirit.

When couples seek to have a deeper, more intimate relationship, they usually do so in terms of mutual emotions, common values, shared ideas and a feeling of goodwill toward each other. Without despising these, we must recognize that the Holy Spirit opens an entirely different plane of experience between husbands and wives.

Certainly, marital love based on the excitement of emotion can be wonderful, but it can all too quickly become desperate and unhappy. In the long run, it is an unstable foundation. Love gains certainty and firmness only when it is ruled by the Spirit. Marriage in the Holy Spirit is a promise of faithfulness. Where there is no loyalty, there is no true love nor real happiness.

In our society, marriages are being tested as never before, but this should refine and increase our commitment to one another. Faithfulness springs from the inward certainty of our calling and our commitment to honoring God in our marriage. In the Christian marriage, it is the unity of God’s kingdom, in Christ and in the Holy Spirit, that matters most. Marriage should always lead two believing people closer to Jesus and His kingdom. It is not good enough for a couple to get married in a church or by a minister. To be drawn nearer to Christ, they must first be fully dedicated as individuals to the Spirit of God’s kingdom.

Drs. Michael & Kendra Holmes are the senior pastors of Deliverance Revival Church in Warner Robins, Ga., the founders of Royalty Relationship Coaching, LLC, the authors of the 31-day devotional, “Cross-Fire: Igniting Passionate, Purposeful, and Powerful Relationships” and the founders of the faith-based newspaper, The Royal Trumpet. W.A.R. is an acronym for “We Are Royalty,” ™ the official slogan of Royalty Relationship Coaching, LLC. Visit the website at www.RoyaltyRelationshipCoaching.com.

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