Making your marriage your first ministry

The first human beings our all-wise God created made up a family. He didn’t form a man and put him on one end of the earth and design a woman and put her on the other. When God created Adam and Eve, He placed both in the Garden of Eden. He gave marriage and family His blessing from the very beginning, bringing them together as one and charging them in Genesis 1:28 to “be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth.”

In Christendom, we’ve heard it many times: Marriage is your first ministry. No doubt, many think it’s simply cliché, but according to Apostle Paul in Ephesians 5, God designed marriage to be an earthly reflection of His love for the church (us). God prioritized us so much that when it came to paving a way for us to redeem ourselves back in right standing after mankind so foolishly fell away from Him, God sacrificed His own Son.

Those who know the two of us well or follow us on social media—or regularly read this column—are aware that we serve together in church leadership. And as pastors, we have many clergy associates—both male and female—who serve in leadership positions in churches across the globe. In recent years, we have begun seeing an alarming and disturbing trend of pastoral couples falling apart.

As ministerial counselors and relationship coaches, we have served as mediators and confidants for some. For most, the trouble in the marriage has nothing to do with obvious awful things like physical abuse or sexual misconduct. The majority of the falling kingdom marriages we’ve encountered are unraveling because one or both of those involved are putting everything before their union.

Did you know that the word “ministry” and the words “holy order” are synonyms? In Christian weddings, when we stand at the altar before the one who presides over our ceremony and repeat our vows, what are two words that we always hear? Holy ordinance! “I take you to be my wedded [wife/husband] to have and to hold, from this day forward; for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health; to love and to cherish until death do us part—according to God’s holy ordinance.”

Those of us who serve in ministry leadership—especially we who function as pastors—carry a lot of responsibilities on our shoulders. We are spiritual shepherds over a flock of spiritual sheep. As pastors, we multitask as not just preachers but counselors, advisors, coaches and sometimes, referees. To whom much is given, much is required (see Luke 12:48). But as important as our duties in our pastoral roles are, we must not confuse our churches with our God. (Read that again.)

We must put God first. Absolutely no one comes before God. But church is not synonymous with God, and the issues surrounding church responsibilities and church members should not take precedence over the health and wellbeing of our kingdom covenants. If we neglect our spouses “for the sake of the church,” we are functioning in error. When a wife or husband needs you but you’re too busy seeing about a brother or a sister in the church to tend to your spouse, your priorities are out of order. The enemy will use anything he can to tear up a marriage. Even the church! God would never give you responsibilities that force you to neglect or abandon your family.

Please listen to us good, married friends. No human (i.e., children, siblings, parents, friends, parishioners, etc.) and no thing (i.e., jobs, careers, hobbies and yes, even church business) should come before your holy ordinance of marriage.

We believe this is one of the biggest reasons why it is so vitally important that we are equally yoked as the Bible instructs. Marriage can be challenging enough. But when a believer marries a nonbeliever, it’s nearly impossible for you to please God, because you will constantly be pulling in different directions. How can two walk together except they be in agreement? (See Amos 3:3.)

Marriage is intended to be extraordinary. Pope Francis was once quoted as referring to it as not only beautiful but a sacrament that, “leads us to the heart of God’s design, which is a plan for a covenant with His people.” This is what happens when we make marriage our first ministry.

Drs. Michael & Kendra Holmes are the senior pastors of Deliverance Revival Church in Warner Robins, Ga., the founders of Royalty Relationship Coaching, LLC, the authors of the 31-day devotional, “Cross-Fire: Igniting Passionate, Purposeful, and Powerful Relationships” and the founders of the faith-based newspaper, The Royal Trumpet. W.A.R. is an acronym for “We Are Royalty,” ™ the official slogan of Royalty Relationship Coaching, LLC. Visit the website at www.RoyaltyRelationshipCoaching.com.

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