Making impulsive decisions in marriage

The plans of the diligent lead to profit as surely as haste leads to poverty, (Proverbs 21:5).

The insight of this insightful biblical Proverb tells us that meticulous organizing and seeking the Lord’s will, will in due course, result in outcomes that work for our good. With that said, instead of making decisions too quickly, we should all spend time praying and seeking wise counsel so that we can make the best choices possible for our lives.

Many times, to make the swiftest decisions, whether in marriage, or just life’s demanding pursue of happiness, it can be easy to sacrifice our God-given wisdom for the sake of convenience and momentary gratification. And all too often, these rash decisions result in undesirable outcomes, because when all the details are not known, bad choices can very easily be made.

Life happens. And from time-to-time, there will be challenging periods of anxiety and/or excitement that bring to our minds the frequently asked question, “How do we gain control of our emotions and avoid making hasty decisions?” The first thing we should understand is that there is no general recipe for this because everyone has his or her own personality shaped through their individual experiences, knowledge, etc.

Even still, here is a note of wisdom that each of us—regardless of age, race, background history or social status—should apply to our lives: “Never make a permanent decision based on temporary emotions.” Just don’t do it. It may give us some sense of immediate satisfaction, but most times, if not always, it will end in regret and the permanent loss of something more valuable than money.

This rule of thumb to never make rash decisions, might be more important in marriage than in any other relationship we may have. Christian couples are not exempt from troubles; however, if we turn to the God that we serve and seek His guidance before reacting to those situations, we will see an outcome that is far better than what reacting from our flesh alone would have rendered.

Even when we’re persuaded that we are the one who is right and because of that, we feel justified, we should never be impulsive. Feeling right doesn’t excuse us to create harm to those around us. Pause and pray.

If you search your heart and be open to face and receive the truth, you might find out that the real problem is within you and not your spouse. Stop and take a breather. Give yourself time and space. Work on you. Respond purposefully instead of unwisely. Talk about it. Keep your mind open. Be willing to open your eyes and see through the eyes of others.

The Bible states that we are to treat the other above our own selves (Philippians 2:3), and how we value our spouses, talk to our spouses, handle our spouses, is so important that it can make or break the harmony of our marriages. Be willing to adjust. Be willing to ask for help, but also be willing to let go of those who are doing more harm than good with their version of “helping.” Find godly friends who are going to be honest with you and help you fix the problem; reject the notion to seek validation from unhealthy “friends” that fuel your justified sense of self.

Consistently making right and righteous decisions is one of the most important habits we can develop, especially in marriage. Be kinder and more loving to your spouse than any other human in your life. Love one another. Serve one another. Be faithful to one another. Build up one another. Pray for one another.

Our choices affect us naturally as well as spiritually. Our health, our safety, our relationships, our finances and even our reputations are all impacted by our decisions. We can’t afford to be impulsive or unwise.

American author, coach and philanthropist, Tony Robbins said, “The state that you’re in at any given moment determines your perceptions of reality and thus your decisions and behavior. Your behavior is not the result of your ability but of the state that you’re in at that moment.”

As married Christians, we must ensure that our behaviors and decisions are not impulsive erratic reactions to what is happening at the moment. We must seek God’s wisdom and direction so that the solidity and sanctity of our covenants are not jeopardized.

Drs. Michael & Kendra Holmes are the pastors of Deliverance Revival Church in Warner Robins, Ga., the founders of Royalty Relationship Coaching, LLC, the authors of the 31-day devotional, “Cross-Fire: Igniting Passionate, Purposeful, and Powerful Relationships” and the founders of the faith-based newspaper, The Royal Trumpet. W.A.R. is an acronym for “We Are Royalty,” TM the official slogan of Royalty Relationship Coaching, LLC. Visit the website at www.RoyaltyRelationshipCoaching.com.

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