Maintaining a lifelong commitment in marriage

At the onset of the New Year, it was unfortunate to read an article in the Boston Herald that revealed the life expectancy of Americans is the lowest it’s been in a quarter of a century. Reportedly, it’s been on a steady decline since 1980. Between then and now, our lifetime average has shrunk to 76.4. Where Americans once had among the best life expectancies in the world, we now rank 29th among countries according to the Organization for Economic Co-operation and Development.

Be that as it may, when speaking in general, a lifetime is a long time. Even with the declined life expectancy and with the average American waiting until between ages 33 and 35 to settle down, a lifelong marriage is still a serious commitment. To even consider establishing a relationship that calls for that level of devotion, one should first have an understanding that marriage is created by God and meant to be permanent. When both people in the union share that same mindset and follow His divine design for marriage, theirs will be a long-lasting, love-filled, life-impacting covenant.

“Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous” (Hebrews 13:4, ESV). When a person says, “I am committed to my marriage for life,” (and mean what they say) they regard their covenant to this degree. Strong winds of temptation may blow, but they won’t allow it to penetrate the walls of their devotion to one another.

God-mindful couples believe marriage is permanent. Divorce is never their preference. They look forward to a rewarding future together and view their bond as one of the most important aspects of their lives. They love each other and invest in their relationship. In strong marriages, couples should expect to face challenges together and are willing to do whatever it takes to not only see their marriage survive, but to see it thrive. A lifetime devotion reveals and grows out of a consciousness that God created marriage and gave it to men and women as a priceless gift.

Malachi 2:15 (MSG) says, “God, not you, made marriage. His Spirit inhabits even the smallest details of marriage… So guard the spirit of marriage within you.”

Couples who reject sinful impulses and stand together over the long haul understand that marriage is not simply a pledged alliance or a sexual connection between two people. It’s a blessed and sacred spiritual mystery in the eyes of God. Of all the social relationships we could name, marriage the one used most repeatedly by biblical authors to embody and describe Christ’s relationship with the church.

Love is a decision! A lifelong commitment implies that you love your spouse and choose to stay married “until death do us part” as it says in traditional wedding vows. At some point, a husband and wife must DECIDE to love. The meaning of the word “decide” comes from the Latin word, “decidere,” which is the combination of two words: “caedere” (cut) and “de” (off). You cannot make a commitment without cutting off options that compete against what is most important.

Great relationships necessitate different types of nurturing—physical, emotional and attentional. Certain traits have been shown to be especially important for sustaining healthy connections. For example, everyone should feel confident that their partner is willing to devote time and attention to them. And they must both be committed to addressing and accommodating the differences and challenges that will unavoidably emerge from time to time within the marriage. In the most successful relationships, partners not only allow each other the benefit of the doubt; they take active compassionate steps that promote a powerful sense of being on the same team.

For the relationship to work, both partners need to maintain and improve their relationship continuously. The answers to “how to maintain a healthy married life” might differ significantly from one couple to the next. A healthy relationship contains a balance of power between both partners. It involves trust, respect, honesty, etc. It takes continuous efforts and compromises from both people to maintain it.

When partners respect each other’s independence, decisions, privacy, space and opinions completely, they make provision that build and maintain a healthy martial bond. A healthy relationship depends on four important factors: communication, trust, consent, and boundaries. With God as your head, these things help secure a lifelong marriage.

Drs. Michael & Kendra Holmes are the senior pastors of Deliverance Revival Church in Byron, Ga., the founders of Royalty Relationship Coaching, LLC, the authors of the 31-day devotional, “Cross-Fire: Igniting Passionate, Purposeful, and Powerful Relationships” and guest hosts of the television talk show, “The Marriage Circle Connection.” W.A.R. is an acronym for “We Are Royalty,” ™ the official slogan of Royalty Relationship Coaching, LLC. Visit the website at www.RoyaltyRelationshipCoaching.com.

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