Life takes on a different ‘look’

All my life I’ve been compared to movie stars, singers, just “beautiful people” in general. It’s a “curse” (set that word aside for later), I know. (And don’t think me too egotistical until you’ve heard it all.)

The ’60s …

Just somebody: “Hey, you look just like that kid on ‘Leave it to Beaver’ (Jerry Mathers).”

Just somebody else: “Hey, you look just like that kid that played Dennis the Menace (Jay North).”

My grandma: “Hey, you look just like that kid from ‘Different Strokes’ (Gary Coleman).”

Me: “Grandma! Put your glasses on!”

The ’70s …

Just somebody: “Hey, you look just like David Cassidy.”

Just somebody else (I think you get that by now): “Hey, you look just like Donny Osmond.”

“Hey, you look just like Brooke Shields.”

“Grandma! Your glasses! Please!”

Moving along, the ’80s (I’m around 30 now) …

“Hey, you look just like Matt Dillon.”

“Hey, you look just like Emilio Estevez.”

RIP grandma.

O.K., so by now you think you’ve got it all figured out. I’m just going to list the handsomest stars I can think of and then expect you’re sucker enough to believe it. That’s not it at all! Some of these were actually true: Jerry Mathers. Donny Osmond and even David Cassidy.

The problem is they – at least the good-looking ones – serve as a stark reminder of how downhill things have gone since.

Early 2000 …

“Hey, you kind of look like Dr. Evil from that Austin Powers movie.” (Note: And when I objected I was called “Mini-me.”)

“Hey, you look a lot like Paul Shaffer (of David Letterman fame).”

“Hey, you could pass for a twin of Rudy Giuliani.”

Are you kidding me! No Vin Diesel or Bruce Willis or Sean Connery. No Andre Agassi. No Cal Ripken Jr. I would have taken Ben Kingsley. Instead, I got Demi Moore when she shaved her head for GI Jane. (Somewhere in heaven grandma was looking down and said: “That’s what I thought, too.” And there are no glasses in heaven.)

Oh, it gets worse. Fast-forward to 2014 – the incentive for this column. Now I am no longer relegated to “real” people. I’m a cartoon!

“Hey, you look like that villain (Chester V from The Live Corp Company) from ‘Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs 2.’” (Admittedly, I agree – same goatee, same glasses. He’s even my Facebook profile pic.)

Most recently my daughter told me I looked like the Duke of Weselton from the Disney movie “Frozen.”

“Aha,” I thought to myself. “Vengeance is mine! Finally I’m going to get a chance to ‘nip it in the bud’ Barney Fife (who I was once told I looked like by the way) style.”

“No ma’am. I don’t think so! I may have a pair of glasses that look exactly like that (which I do), but he has a full head of hair. As has been pointed out to me on oh so many occasions, I do not!”

She promptly pulled out her cell phone. “Tippity tap.” “Tippity tap.” “Here you go.”

She handed it to me. It was a YouTube video. A YouTube video of a scene where the Duke of Weselton offers the queen a dance and then does some sort of spinning move, stops and bows. And as he does, his “toupee” falls forward. He’s bald!

“You were saying,” she said.

“Curses,” I muttered.

See. Told you.

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