Letters to Santa, a parent’s influence

Art Linkletter once said, “Kids say the darndest things.”

As a children’s minister for many years, to start my Christian journey, I couldn’t agree more. Still, as I’ve been reading some of the “Letters to Santa” in our sister newspapers, I’ve grown a little suspect of the voices. Is it me, or is there maybe some “parents” saying the darndest things in a good number of these submissions?

Case in point, Sawyer.

Sawyer, who goes to school at Lolly’s and is in the Itty Bitty class, writes: “I am a sweet boy and have been very good this year.” Well, that’s pretty good retrospect for a child that’s only “1”, but that’s not what raised the eyebrow. It was the fact that Sawyer goes on to write: “For Christmas, I would like a walking toy, a soft, colorful ball, and a DJ set!”

A DJ set?! What 1-year-old asks for a DJ set?! Can you imagine an “itty bitty” anybody up on stage, the headphones swallowing his ears, working the vinyl turntable, remixing “The wheels on the bus go round and round…”

We move on to Bo. Bo is 2 years old and he wants a bike. Well, that’s cool. It’ll probably be a tricycle – again, he is 2 – and have tassels hanging from the handlebar grips.

“Anything else, Bo?” Bo: “I’d also like some tools.” Wait? What! “Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house. Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse … Bo was nestled all snug in his bed. While visions of Craftsman danced in his head.”

Kari writes: “For Christmas I need a new sweater but I’m wishing for a remote-control car.” How mature is Kari, right? Putting her “needs” before her “wants”. You can bet good old Saint Nick is going to honor that spirit/request.

Holy cow! Frederick. Frederick is 5 years old and admits, “I have been naughty.” Oh c’mon. What child do you know who admits to anything? “Did you take that cookie?” Headshake “no”. “Did you write with crayon all over the wall?” Eyes to the floor, still the head shakes “no”. “Did you pee on the toilet seat?” (Oh, wait. That one was mine from my wife. Me: “No, dear.”)

Point is. There isn’t a child in this world who’s going to admit to being naughty.

Having said that, apparently Frederick – this is a good thing – believes Santa is more the forgiving type, more prone to give “grace” than coal. I know that, because he goes on to write: “I would like a racecar, a fish, magnets, blocks and a plane,” and finishes with: “Thank you Santa.”

Then there’s “A”. Just “A” and A, who is eight months old, just wants to “growl at my teachers but make up for it with my cute laughs.” I don’t know. This is either one, A’s mom or dad, who wrote this. Two: A is in the witness protection program, or three: A is short for “armadillo.” (Yes, they growl and laugh. I looked it up. They also grunt and hiss, which, oh, by the way, so does my Aunt Elda.)

Here’s a dangerous precedent. If you’re Mazie. And you have a brother, Jack (they look to be about 1 and 2, respectively, in their picture), who believes he’s qualified to speak on your behalf. Jack writes he has been “really good” this year. Mazie, on the other hand? She has been “a little bit good.” Which is apparently why Jack believes he deserves the “big Thanos, a Rocket Raccoon and a Groot action figure and a spaceship,” while Mazie is only worthy of a “new baby doll.”

Here are a couple of children way more mature than their age. Axel, who looks to be about 6 in his picture, and Brylynn, who could be his twin. They both write that all they need is a new carpet. No toys. Just carpet. (“Don’t do it Santa! They’ll never forgive you for it!”)

Kolton, 2, has been “naughty” this year, but hey, wait a second, “I can explain!” He doesn’t, but apparently it wasn’t bad enough that he couldn’t ask for “a bus, trucks, trains, dinosaurs and tractors.”

Carleigh, 4, apparently cares more about her parents’ state than her own. She only asks for Play-Doh, but then asks Santa for some “new soap” for her mom and some “new pants” for her father.

Rayven, 2 months old, writes he has been “very nice and sweet so far!” (“So, don’t mess it up, Santa. You won’t want to see Rayven get naughty.”)

Chandler, who looks to be 6 in his photo, writes he is good every year because “everybody says I act like mama.” He is actually the only one with a picture of him sitting with Santa. In other words, he had a direct line. I can only surmise one, mom added that little bit of editorializing or two, he wasn’t taking any chances of losing the brownie points with her.

Rayna, 4, simply wants a “big candy cane for my sweet tooth.” I’m sure Hermey the Elf from 1964’s Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer was happy to find that out.)

Amir, 4, wants snow. So do I, Amir.

Khloe, 7 months, loves “trying to climb.” And I’m not making this up, she wants a “walker to help me practice.” (Play that out in your mind.)

Beau, who also appears to be 6, wants a “dually” truck. Do you know what a “dually” truck is? I had to look it up, but it’s a truck with four tires on the back. He also wants a flatbed trailer. I kid you not! A flatbed trailer. And, he wants a lawnmower and a rake. This kid is a natural-born capitalist!

Here are a few more that are suspect. Miles, 1, specifically wants to visit the Georgia Aquarium. Sophia, 1, wants a karaoke machine. You know, because American Idols don’t just happen.

Finally, I’ll leave you with Jameson. (Note: I was surprised at how many kids are leaving “dog food” for the reindeer. Do reindeer eat dog food?) Jameson looks to be all of six months old. He’s wearing a Georgia Bulldogs outfit, which has got to earn him a Santa bonus. He writes: “Everyone talks about you and I know (in all his years of living) you bring lots of good gifts and make everyone happy! I hope you just bring everybody what they want.”

Well, I’ll be. Kids do say the darndest things!