Keeping the “co” in couple

Last year, someone approached us and remarked, “I love y’all. You put the CO in couple!” It was a bit amusing at that moment, but after some time passed, we came to realize how significant those words were and accepted them as the high compliment that they are. 

The prefix “co” means joint or jointly. Anyone who has known us from the start of our marriage can attest to the fact that from the moment we said, “I do,” we have personified togetherness. We’d like to say that we were so intuitive that our genius minds planned it that way, but it was all God’s doing. Ours was a seamless migration from being two extremely independent single individuals to becoming one extremely inseparable married couple. After two or three years of being teased by acquaintances about our perpetual closeness, we were inspired to choose the adverb “together”—which ironically, is a synonym of jointly—to serve as somewhat of our one-word mantra. We aren’t only a married couple; we are also best friends who talk about everything with each other and prayer partners who pray about everything with each other.

Jokingly, we call ourselves a Reese’s Cup, referring to our chocolate and peanut butter skin tones and how, like the sweet treat, we are almost always together. In essence, we really have put the “co” in couple. Outside of work, people rarely see one of us without seeing the other. The old folks would say that we’re joined at the hips. Not only do we cohabitate in the same home, but we serve as copastors of the same church, cofounders of the same marriage ministry, coauthors of the same book—and until very recently, we, for years, were coworkers on the same job. From day one, our marriage has been about COmmitment, COmmunication, COhesiveness and COvenant.

Current day situations have not negatively impacted us where the “shelter-in-place” ordinance is concerned. Given a choice, we’d rather spend time with each other than with anyone else; however, that’s not every married couple’s testimony. In this time of pandemic, many husbands and wives who are heeding the warnings issued by national and local governing bodies are feeling forced together; almost trapped. Spending extended time indoors with a spouse should never feel like punishment. Unfortunately, there are too many people who just want to be brides and grooms; they don’t want to be husbands and wives. Bride and groom are roles that are played during a wedding ceremony. Husband and wife, on the other hand, are assignments carried out under a marriage covenant.

Many want the enchantment, but not the commitment. They want to dress up and play the parts, but they don’t want to complete the tasks that the Word of God outlines in Ephesians 5:22-33. They don’t want to be a COuple. They want to leave off the suffix, and just be a Uple (if that were a word). But it’s not about U (you). Marriage changes the dynamics of arithmetic. In mathematics, the sum of one plus one equals two. On the contrary, when it comes to marriage, the sum of one plus one is one. In Ephesians 5:31, Christ says, “For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother and be JOINED to his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.”

In today’s self-centered society, much is promoted about “me time”—even in marriages. We increasingly hear of man-caves and she-sheds. Like most of satan’s subtle traps, these things sound harmless, but their primary purpose is to separate a husband and wife and place them in their own individual “off-limits” quarters of a home. The more that the enemy can entice us into separation and division, the more he can remove the “co” from couple, and the more easily our unions can fall apart. In Mark 3:25, we’re told, “And if a house is divided against itself, that house cannot stand.”

To put this in perspective, the cross provides the perfect imagery after which Christian couples should pattern their marriages. The Bible often alludes to the people of God as the bride of Christ, and Christ is referred to as the Husbandman. Picture this: the cross consists of both a vertical and a horizontal piece. The vertical portion, which points from the earth to the heavens, serves as the base. It is planted; the foundation of it all. It is an example of God. The horizontal portion points on an even plane, stretching from one side to the other and is representative of mankind’s relationships with one another.

As long as the bride (the horizontal piece, representative of the husband and wife) is adhered to the Husbandman (the vertical piece, representative of Christ), we are safe and secure, but if the horizontal piece separates itself from the vertical piece, the horizontal will fall to the ground. It cannot remain intact without being fixed to the vertical. Such is the case with married COuples. We must stay COnnected to one another just as we cling to Christ.

Drs. Michael & Kendra Holmes are the senior pastors of Deliverance Revival Church in Warner Robins, the founders of Royalty Relationship Coaching, LLC, and the authors of the devotional, “Cross-Fire: Igniting Passionate, Purposeful, and Powerful Relationships.” W.A.R. is an acronym for “We Are Royalty,” the official slogan of Royalty Relationship Coaching, LLC. Visit the website at www.RoyaltyRelationshipCoaching.com.