Importance of affection in marriage

This week, let’s talk about affection within the marriage bond. The importance of affection involves a positive feeling of liking, having, or exhibiting warmth to your partner in marriage. Affectionate touch and language are important interests to share with your spouse.

It’s important to note that affection and sexual intimacy are two very different things, Affection reveals that you care about someone and that you are willing to be there for them. When your spouse displays genuine affection, he or she is telling you that they care about how you feel, and they have a desire to be close to you. It demonstrates their bond with you. Lack of affection for and from each other implies the husband and wife may feel indifferent and unloved.

The Bible states this truth in Galatians 6:7: “God will never be mocked! For what you plant will always be the very thing you harvest…” (The Passion Translation). So, if you want your spouse to extend affection, try showing affection.

According to trained professionals and the results of countless polls, one of the greatest desires a wife has is affection…but not just at bedtime! Genuine affection creates an ambience that makes her feel protected and valued. Her husband’s affectionate touch, actions and words open the door to her heart and allow her to respond to him with passion. Husbands, if you want sexual intimacy with your wife, initiate that by considering her lovingly so that she reacts with affection and is open to your advances.

Wives, when relating to your respective husband, be mindful that most of them prefer sensuous affection. By nature, a man typically differs from a woman in having a greater need for visual affection (a mate who makes herself physically attractive for him), and less of a need to be “warmed up” before intimate physical affection. While it’s true that outward “beauty is only skin deep,” rest assured, one of the reasons he first approached you was because he noticed your outward beauty. After marriage, it’s important for him see that you are showing love and respect for him by keeping yourself attractive.

Now, husbands, don’t think for a moment that your wives don’t desire to be pleased with what they see too. There’s nothing like a well-kept, well-dressed godly man. A few years ago, a wife was overheard saying (as she looked at her preacher-husband), “A suit ain’t nothing but lingerie for men!” Keeping up a nice appearance is important for gentlemen to do as well. Your appearance played a role in her returning your interest and affections, so don’t think you can become lackadaisical after marriage either.

Your voice can reverberate affection. Make it a habit to always use a pleasing tone of voice. A tired, complaining, harsh, or self-pitying voice is unpleasant to listen to, and can quickly dull your romance. Among the marriages most likely to end in separation are those where expressions of affection and love are lacking. As relationship coaches and marriage counselors, we find that there are two foundational understandings that are vital to the success of the marriage relationship: intimacy and vulnerability.

Intimacy is defined as: a close, familiar, affectionate and loving personal relationship; meticulous knowledge or deep understanding of something; the quality of being comfortable, warm, or familiar with someone.

In contrast, vulnerability can be inherently uncomfortable. So why would you want to pursue after it, especially in the perspective of a romantic relationship? Because a strong marriage can’t survive without a shared commitment to being primal and real with emotional truth! While every relationship is distinctive, feeling safe and secure enough to embrace uncertainty and talk about it openly is universally important.

It is no surprise that affection is important in relationships—but have you ever thought about how important it truly is? Consider this. Affection is the number one reason couples seek counseling/coaching.

Distinctively, we’ve found that the amount of affection you express to your partner can be an indicator of your commitment. Equally, we found, the amount of affection you receive from your partner best forecasts your fulfillment. This suggests that expressing, compared to receiving, affection accounts for different relational benefits.

Acts 20:35, Living Bible: “And I was a constant example to you in helping the poor; for I remembered the words of the Lord Jesus, ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’”

Drs. Michael & Kendra Holmes are the pastors of Deliverance Revival Church in Warner Robins, Ga., the founders of Royalty Relationship Coaching, LLC, the authors of the 31-day devotional, “Cross-Fire: Igniting Passionate, Purposeful, and Powerful Relationships” and the founders of the faith-based newspaper, The Royal Trumpet. W.A.R. is an acronym for “We Are Royalty,” ™ the official slogan of Royalty Relationship Coaching, LLC. Visit the website at www.RoyaltyRelationshipCoaching.com.

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