I’ll be missing you

What a week its been, and it’s only Monday as I write this. On the same day Mary Ann and I welcomed another healthy grandchild into the world, I attended a funeral for a longtime friend, the dapper Ernie Bennett. While we have no control over our arrival on the planet, we do have some control over our departure, as Ernie showed.

You would think a guy who has been in hospice care three times over the last eight years would have gotten the hint and planned his departure better, but I’m still working on it. I have decided who gets which of my earthly possessions, but I still haven’t planned my funeral, or memorial, or homegoing, whatever you want to call it. So I looked on that Internet thingy and, of course, the funeral homes have planning guides, but they are kind of stodgy for my tastes. So I’m posting my own guide. Do with it as you will.

I presume you have a will or trust. I presume you have a funeral home in mind, because you still can’t be buried in your backyard, and cremation is hard to pull off on your own. No, today I’m talking about your final ceremony by whatever name floats your boat.

My form starts off thusly: Type of ceremony – Somber, Bleh, or Festive. (Circle one). From there I’ve addressed music, do you want hymns or Christian music (“Amazing Grace,” and “Great Expectations” by Steven Curtis Chapman are my picks), or pop hits (“Season in the Sun” or “Shannon” are classics), or rock’n’roll (“Stairway to Heaven,” “Let It Be,” my pick) or (“Funeral for a Friend/Love Lies Bleeding” come to mind.)

Next is who will eulogize you? Your spouse? That’s too much to ask, I think. Your children? Depends on the kids. Ernie’s daughter, Amanda, did great. Kids can give the audience a great glimpse into the true you. But not every kid is up to public speaking.

I like the idea of all my kids at the podium, but they can decide who and how many speak. I mean, there are six of them. The five daughters all tend to want to share their opinion.

What about pictures? If you plan it out, it takes stress off the family in ceremony preparation. Baby pictures, childhood antics, yearbook stuff is good, pictures of work and civic activities of course. But this is the time to showcase your spouse, kids, and if you are so lucky, grandkids, so include pictures of you and your loved ones. This whole ceremony is not about just you. Unless you are Eleanor Rigby.

Put it all together and you have a planned departure. At the end, I like the balloon release thing—everybody loves a balloon. Except wildlife that dies trying to eat it. No point in killing a turtle dove on my way out. And no, the biodegradable balloons don’t biodegrade.

Whatever you plan, plan something! My real short, real simple planning guide can be found at www.kellyrburke.com/planningguide. It’s free! No ads, pay wall, phone number input, nothing required to download it.

I hope you know that there is a better destination that can await you. Your body may become worm food, but your soul can live on. I have found that the happiest departures are the ones in which everybody knows the destination is the ultimate arrival.

Kelly Burke was born in Knoxville where he spent his younger years, followed by high school years in Atlanta where he graduated from Georgia Tech, and then graduated from Mercer Law School. He has been in private practice, a magistrate judge, and an elected district attorney. He writes about the law, politics, music, and Ireland. He and his wife enjoy gardening, playing with their Lagotto Ramanolo named George Harrison, and spending time with their grandchildren. To see this column or Kelly’s archives, visit www.kellyrburke.com. You can email Kelly at dakellyburke@gmail.com.