Golf stories that cannot be told

The story is told of a man who had become such a golf addict that he began to neglect his job. He would call in sick, and then head for the golf course.

One morning, after making a “sick” call to the office, an angel decided to teach the man a lesson. “You will be punished if you play golf today,” the angel whispered in his ear.

Thinking it was only his conscience, which he had many times ignored in the past, he smiled. “No one will ever know, so how will I be punished?” he asked himself as he continued on his way to the golf course.

It was early on a Monday morning when he stepped up to the first tee, being the first golfer on the course. He promptly drove the ball 350 yards straight down the middle of the fairway. Since he had never driven the ball more than 250 yards before, he was amazed.

Yet, there it was, 350 yards down in the middle of the fairway with only a chip shot left to the putting green. Long drives on every hole, perfect approach shots and deadly putting all followed each other on every hole. By the ninth hole, he was eight under par and playing near-perfect golf. He was walking on air as he approached hole number 10 to begin the back side.

After finishing his 18 holes, the man added up his score and saw that he had shot an amazing 59, four strokes better than the course record that had been set by a visiting pro several years earlier. “Wait until I get back to the office and show my fellow workers my scorecard,” he said to himself as he left the course.

Suddenly, his face fell, and his joy turned to despair as he remembered that he could not tell his fellow workers. In fact, he could not tell anyone if he wanted to keep his job. The angel smiled as the avid golfer walked very dejectedly to his car.

The above story reminds me of another one. A pastor went out to a golf course one Sunday morning while on vacation and made his first hole in one. He could not come back and tell his congregation about it because for years, he had preached to them about the importance of attending Sunday morning services even while on vacation.

There is a golf story I probably should not tell but here goes anyway. Often, while visiting Jekyll Island for a few days, Lloyd Snoke and I would arrange to play together. Lloyd lived on St. Simons Island but played his golf on Jekyll. He was in his early 80s and walked the course carrying his golf bag. Most all of my Jekyll golf was done walking also.

The thing that shouldn’t be told was the fact that out of all the times Lloyd and I had played each other, he had beaten me each time except for one. I was not a young man then, but Lloyd was 12-14 years older than I. On my last trip to the island, Lloyd beat me 10 strokes one day and four the next. Gets kinda embarrassing when the starters always want to know who won.

In closing, may I leave you golfers with a couple of thoughts: Lee Trevino once said if you are caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a one iron. Not even God can hit a one iron.

Dave Barry said that although golf was originally restricted to wealthy people, it is now open to anyone who owns hideous clothing.

Keep those golf balls in the fairway, and you will hardly lose any. That way you will save money. Also, if you will walk the course, you will not only save money on carts, you will find many more used balls to hit.

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