For better or for worse — on marriage

Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight” (1 Peter 3:3-4, NIV).

Humanity is crippled with an unprecedented situation. The effects are clearly visible in all circles of life. Today, one of our biggest illusions leads us to believe that if we are not society’s definition of good-looking or if we don’t wear what modern culture says is the latest fashionable clothes or hairstyles, then we are not good enough… or in some cases, no good at all. However, it is our professional opinion that an individual’s attitude, skills and talents are what balances them, and their heart is what defines them.

A righteous heart and positive personality make for a beauty that is unmatched by outward appearance only. Anybody can dress up the outside, but it is the heart that counts. Why try to be “like white washed tombs, which outwardly appear beautiful, but within are full of dead people’s bones and all uncleanness” (Matthew 23:27, ESV). The choices we make daily will affect not only us but others around us, and the decision we make when it comes to who we will pledge our love and lives is monumentally important.

Do we really want to live marital lives that are dictated by society and the media? Do we really want to align our existences based on a package full of an ungodly world’s expectations and standards of how we are to act, look, speak and think? The truth of the matter is inner beauty is what we should be concentrating on every day of our lives. In the end, it’s what is most important.

Outer beauty fades as we age, but our inner character never goes anywhere. Think about it. If looks are the be-all and end-all of genuinely happy relationships, why isn’t Hollywood famous for being the home of the lifelong marriage? Some of the most attractive celebrity couples have the most lavish weddings but the most tumultuous marriages. What goes on in front of cameras looks perfect, but what goes on behind closed doors is preposterous. Why are the beautiful ones always splitting and changing partners when they’ve been married to someone, who, by society’s foremost standards, is as close to perfection as anyone’s ever going to be?

Let’s be real; there’s no denying that good looks often help with a positive first impression, which then motivates the first interaction of starting a dialogue with someone and getting to know them. However, there’s so much more that should go into sizing up a person than just his or her physical appearance, especially when it comes to marriage.

A spouse’s attractiveness should not solely be determined by their physical appearance. Not by a long shot! Once you get to know someone for who they truly are, you may find yourself attracted to qualities about them that you never saw before—beautiful qualities that can withstand the “for better or for worse.” Because you see the splendor in that other person’s heart, mind and spirit, it’s possible know ahead of time that you can live under covenant with that person in the good times of today and even in the challenging times that will, no doubt, arise down the road.

When focus is entirely placed on one’s outer appearance, an individual can become captivated on the shallowness of that person’s shell, all the while not knowing there is a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde Syndrome going on in secret behind the closed doors of their mind.

The true idea of beauty centers on everything about a person, including his or her heart, mind and soul. More than physical appearance, these are the things that make a person even more desirable. It is fundamentally worthless to have a “perfect” body and face void of a soul beautified by the love of God.

Listen, believers, marriage is a holy sanction created and blessed by our Heavenly Father. It is far too sacred to hinge on something as fleeting as looks. Marriage is for better or for worse. When the worse happens, the beauty of a face won’t help your covenant survive, but the beauty of holiness will.

Drs. Michael & Kendra Holmes are the pastors of Deliverance Revival Church in Warner Robins, Ga., the founders of Royalty Relationship Coaching, LLC, the authors of the 31-day devotional, “Cross-Fire: Igniting Passionate, Purposeful, and Powerful Relationships” and the founders of the faith-based newspaper, The Royal Trumpet. W.A.R. is an acronym for “We Are Royalty,” ™ the official slogan of Royalty Relationship Coaching, LLC. Visit the website at www.RoyaltyRelationshipCoaching.com.

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