Every spouse should be an ‘all the time’ valentine

You’re most likely reading this week’s column on Valentine’s Day or very shortly thereafter. This annual day — promoted as one set aside for lovers — brings a ton of revenue to card designers, candy makers and the balloon and floral industries. Creative entrepreneurs set up temporary businesses on the sides of busy highways and display baskets filled with items such as candles, perfumes and stuffed teddy bears. Restaurants often have nowhere to seat the average weary traveler who just want a few minutes of rest while enjoying a hearty meal, because every table is occupied by couples celebrating the day.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with couples celebrating Valentine’s Day; in fact, we encourage you to—especially couples under covenant. Yes, celebrate and love out loud! But please don’t let it be done out of tradition only, and by all means, it should not be said that the only time you are your spouse’s valentine is on February 14.

A valentine is a sweetheart, and a sweetheart is a particularly loving or pleasing person with whom someone is having a romantic relationship. In marriage, a spouse should be an everyday sweetheart, a year-round valentine.

Often, on social media especially, we see people posting pictures of all the attention they are shown on Valentine’s Day. Sometimes, it’s the only day that these type images are uploaded. While that doesn’t necessarily mean the couple doesn’t celebrate their love all year, it does speak volumes that the only time the husband or wife sees a reason to share the love shown by their spouse is one day a year.

Being a loving and romantic spouse goes far beyond roses, candy, flowers and teddy bears. Those things are transitory. They wilt, or they are often forgotten or even discarded. An authentically strong and healthy marriage — one in which God finds pleasure — is one that is consistently filled with love, honor, respect and admiration. Those enduring things climax to allow husbands and wives to enjoy their marriage every single day of the year. For marriages that revel in this, even in times of trials and struggles, the love and loyalty doesn’t fade.

There are many husbands and wives that neglect one another for stretches of times during the course of the year, but when Valentine’s Day arrives, wives who never get flowers on any other day, will suddenly be worthy of them. Husbands who never get public accolades at any other time, are suddenly showered with them. What is wrong with this picture??

In 1 Corinthians 7:5 (NIV), the Scripture says to married couples, “Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer.”

In this particular verse, the text is making direct reference to the marriage bed and sexual relations between a husband and a wife. However, we, as couples under covenant, can deprive each other in several ways. What is your spouse’s love language? We’ve tackled that subject previously in this column, but it comes into play with this topic once again. If a spouse’s love language is not physical touch, then going long lengths of time without sexual interaction might not be an issue. However, if her love language is “receiving gifts,” and she only gets flowers or other tokens of affection on Valentine’s Day; that’s an act of wife-neglect. If his love language is “words of affirmation,” and the only time he receives expressions of appreciation is on Valentine’s Day, that’s husband-neglect.

It’s wonderful that society has a day set aside to celebrate love, but husbands and wives — particularly those who profess Christianity — should set an unparalleled standard to be their spouse’s “all the time” valentine. God designed marriage to be an earthly visible example of His love for us. God’s love for us is an extraordinary love. He doesn’t just show it or express it one day of the year. If He did, we would be doomed.

God shows us every day that He loves us. From the moment He allows us to wake up, He’s expressing it. Our every inhale and exhale are like receiving love letters straight from heaven. Husbands and wives… let’s allow our affection and appreciation for one another to be extraordinary all year long. God is our example. He sent His Son to die for us that we may enjoy eternal life with Him. That’s love!

Drs. Michael & Kendra Holmes are the senior pastors of Deliverance Revival Church in Byron, Ga., the founders of Royalty Relationship Coaching, LLC, the authors of the 31-day devotional, “Cross-Fire: Igniting Passionate, Purposeful, and Powerful Relationships” and guest hosts of the television talk show, “The Marriage Circle Connection.” W.A.R. is an acronym for “We Are Royalty,” TM the official slogan of Royalty Relationship Coaching, LLC. Visit the website at www.RoyaltyRelationshipCoaching.com.

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