Elisabeth is more important than me

It is a late summer morning. The air is still moist from the dew and, with a nice breeze, the back door is open for some fresh air. This sounds pleasant and nondescript. Ah, but today, yesterday and the days before are beyond just pleasant, as the world is now full of magic. You see, today is the fourth day a beautiful and perfect angel, Elisabeth Sofia Rockefeller, has graced my life.

I am a father for the first time. This treasure is not something I ever thought I would have in my life. A long-term, childless relationship with a wonderful woman finally ended last year as I had to move on to find my true path.

Elisabeth is my indescribable reward for having made such a difficult decision.

For me, having my first child a little late in life is delicately precious. The distractions and indiscretions of youth are in the past and all energies can be directed to providing a safe and loving environment for my perfection.

It helps to be wholly in love with my wife and life partner. A smiling and laughing team sharing the delightful stresses of midnight feedings and diaper changes helps to avoid tarnishing the bloom of the parenthood rose. Parents who try to do this by themselves, as my wife did with her first child, are truly amazing. It takes a special kind of human being to laugh and love while shouldering all of the burdens of raising a child.

Nothing prepares you for the joys and wonders of being a parent. Nothing. Memories of that first scream of defiance with life’s breath, holding such a darling little reflection of one’s own ego for the very first time, pressing your head against the nursery window wondering how any parent could be so lucky, all of these images and feelings will never go away.

As I gaze down on Elisabeth’s fat little cheeks, I cannot help but reflect on the pain I have seen visited on children by adults.

What could possibly cause a parent to cause such a gift agony? I think of parents doing despicable things here in Georgia, like a father leaving a baby to suffocate in a hot car all day in the summer or a woman who put hers in a microwave. How could any parent be so cruel and uncaring? These are only extreme vignettes, as there are countless others committed all around us short of murdering an innocent.

We see ourselves reflected in our children’s “mini-me” faces and our hearts are filled with exquisite pleasure by their smiles. The Greeks describe love as Eros and Agape. The former is the more primal and physical attractions we feel and the latter is the spiritual pureness of one with another. Agape, this describes a parent’s love for a child.

How do we forget this? How do two people who grasp each other in love and create a new being eventually come to hate each other?

I have always found it nonsensical, in representing parents in a custody fight, that what is best for a child is lost in the struggle to win, either in court or in the post-court attempt to erase the other parent from their lives. It is such a simple matter to call the other parent about a doctor’s appointment, or to explain a poor performance in school, or be flexible about scheduling. Yet, parents behave worse than their children ever would … and for what?

I represent the father of an infant where the mother (and her family) wants to punish him for not marrying her. They put up every barrier conceivable to him seeing his baby girl and being a dad.

Where does such selfishness come from? Why cannot she find it in her heart to permit him some of the same small joyful moments she has with their child? Can she not understand how cruel her selfishness is? And, not just for the father, but also a little girl being denied the unconditional love of her a doting dad.

All of this I reflect upon as I watch my baby swaying gently in her little swing, making baby music in the most delicious sounds we only hear in an infant. I will never forget this love, this blessing. I will never become one of those parents, baby Elisabeth Sofia. I will always remember that you are more important than I am.

Local attorney Jim Rockefeller owns the Rockefeller Law Center and is a former Houston Co. Chief Assistant District Attorney, and a former Miami Prosecutor. Visit www.rockefellerlawcenter.com to submit confidential legal questions, and to review former articles and Frequently Asked Questions.

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