Domesticated trash pandas: A New Year’s resolution

You know that look your dog gives you when it thinks it’s in trouble? It’s a look that suggests great remorse after you discover a trail of mud across the floor or chewed-up TV remote or a pile of something unmentionable in the corner of the closet. 

It’s just a ruse. Your precious fur baby feels neither shame nor regret for its actions. 

Australian researchers have long discovered that “puppy dog eyes” is an evolutionary defense mechanism. Sometime after the domestication of dogs, canines discovered that the cuter they looked, the more likely humans were to keep them around, even if they were incapable of work or were destructive. Being cute meant a life of luxury and an easy, never-ending meal train. 

Of course, humans helped this along as dogs were used more for companionship rather than labor, and now there are countless breeds good for nothing but looking at and cuddling like a living toy. Not that there’s anything wrong with that; if spoiling your four-legged friend brings you contentment in life, please, by all means, spoil away. 

A new study has revealed another animal is picking up on this secret. 

Released in October, but just now gaining steam across the internet, researchers are suggesting that raccoons are showing early signs of domestication. Co-written by a biologist in Arkansas, a place where they know a thing or two about raccoons, this study suggested that trash pandas, particularly those in urban areas, are physically changing and adapting to get closer to humans. 

This change is present as, when compared to raccoons in rural areas, as a shorter snout; floppy ears; and white patches in the fur. To sum it up: They are getting cuter. They’ve learned that if they are non-aggressive and adorable, people don’t mind having them around, rummaging through the garbage or nosing in on the cat or dog’s supper. This paper goes as far as to challenge the old, long held belief that humans initiated the domestication process with animal capture and selective breeding. Domestication begins, apparently, when animals live long enough in human environs and are hungry. 

The wild thieves of the neighborhood are on tap to become man’s next best friend and judging by the millions of social media videos of people willingly feeding raccoons and even keeping them as pets, folks are very keen on the idea. 

Maybe rural raccoons will take the hint soon. They’re still mean. I’ve been raccoon hunting before. It was a wild night of running through the woods, chasing dogs and dodging angry critters fighting for their life. I don’t plan on doing it again; I’ve got no beef with raccoons. Coonskin caps never looked good on me anyway.  

But still, I don’t want a pet raccoon or even one rummaging around the house, making a mess. For New Year’s maybe I’ll get a dog, and I resolve not to get one for looking at, but one to chase off wild intruders.