Does a micronation have an ongoing war with a country that no longer exists?

Lately, some of my e-mails have a common thread.

Many of you appear to like the goofy laws I put into the column from time to time, and more than a few of you have asked me to do a column of nothing but those silly things.

After spending due time considering the idea, I think I will do just that – not this week, but soon.

I’ll create a trivia column full of silly laws that are still on the books, even if they’re never enforced. And in this week’s offering, you will find the reasoning behind one of what is considered the silliest.

So, let’s get to the trivia, for soon the Long Arm of the Silly Laws will be upon us!

Did you know …

… polar bears can eat 150 pounds of meat at a sitting? (Living in the Arctic, the rest goes into the freezer – which is just about anywhere.)

… a popular toy was used by the military as a detection device? United States military forces in Iraq used Silly String™ to detect trip wires. Before entering a room, troops would spray the Silly String inside, and if it were to hang up in the air, a wire may have been in the room. (I’ll bet the barracks parties are a lot of fun, too!)

… many ridiculous laws you hear about are still on the books, sometimes having very valid reasons for existing? Take, for example, the classic one out of Alabama, where it remains illegal to carry an ice cream cone in your back pocket. While nobody with any sense would carry an ice cream cone in his back pocket today, the reason for this law is anything but silly. Back in the day, when people rode horses to get around, this apparently strange law was designed to stop horse theft. Horses would follow people with ice cream cones in their pockets, attempting to enjoy the sweet ice cream treat, making it easy to lure horses away from their hitching post and steal them. (Granted, that’s stealing horses the easy way.)

… a science fiction novel was on the reading list of the U.S. Marine Corps? “Starship Troopers,” written in 1959 by Robert A. Heinlein (1907-1988), was until 2020 on the Commandant of the Marine Corps’ military reading list. It was replaced by a book titled “White Donkey” by Maximilian Uriarte, which deals with post-traumatic stress disorder in the days after the 9/11 terror attacks. (A donkey replaces cap troopers. Heinlein is spinning in his grave.)

… the nation of Molossia has been at war with East Germany since 1983? What – you’ve never heard of Molossia? Not many people have. Molossia is what’s called a micronation – in this case, 11.3 acres of land near the town of Dayton, Nevada. Basically, a country made up of a house and a big back yard, it’s run by President Kevin Baugh (born 1962), who created it in 1977 from a childhood project on micronations. Molossia has its own flag, its own national symbols, and its own currency. The monetary unit is the “valora,” which is divided into 100 units called “futtrus,” and is tied to the relative value of Pillsbury™ chocolate chip cookie dough, stored in the Bank of Molossia. The war with East Germany was declared in 1983 because of military drills Baugh participated in when he served with the U.S. Army in West Germany, which disrupted his sleep, and it continues today, even though East Germany ceased to exist in 1990. And before you ask: Like most micronations, Molossia is not recognized by any country or by the United Nations. Baugh pays his taxes, of course, but calls it “foreign aid.” (If you’re not convinced that this is for real, check out their website: molossia.org. This column item was not submitted for approval to the Molossian Ministry of Propaganda.)

… movie test audiences are not always right? Take, for instance, the 1995 film “Apollo 13.” Based on the real adventure of three astronauts aboard a crippled Moon mission who safely returned, the test audiences were not altogether happy with the film. One member of the audience said he hated it because it had a “typical Hollywood ending,” and he would have preferred the film if the crew had not survived.

… the manufacture of wine determines what its smell is called? A wine’s smell, derived from the variety of grapes, is known as an “aroma,” while the fermentation produces a smell often called a “bouquet.” (And the really old stuff is called “phew!”)

… a presidential idea to combat inflation backfired? In 1974, President Gerald Ford (1913-2006) initiated his “Whip Inflation Now” plan, declaring inflation Public Enemy Number One and asking people to wear buttons which read “WIN” and for suggestions on how to reduce inflation. The buttons were immediately ridiculed, as many people wore them upside down so they would instead read “NIM,” meaning “No Instant Miracles,” “Need Immediate Money,” and “Non-stop Inflation Merry-go-round.” (Creative. I like that.)

… the longest unbroken significant alliance between two nations began in 1386? England and Portugal have been allies for 635 years and continue so today. (Nobody even remembers what their last disagreement was about.)

… shoestrings were patented in 1790? A product of England, they quickly became a popular replacement for the buckles most people were using to keep their shoes on tightly. What made his different from others before was the addition of the aglet to the end. (Yeah!)

… holding the metal part of your car key fob against your chin will help unlock your doors? Obviously, this only works if you have one of the newer models of car keys that use a button to unlock the doors from the outside. But why does pointing the key at your head help? The radio signals use your brain as a kind of transmitter amplifier, sending the signals farther out. (The fact that you’ll look totally silly doing so shouldn’t matter.)

Now … you know!

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