Break dancin’ fool

Although he won’t admit it, Larry “Hawgin’” Fishbreath owes his dancing ability to me. Hawgin’ actually invented break dancing, but doesn’t like to talk about it or how I helped him invent it.

Since I taught him everything he knows about dancing, you might think I invented break dancing. Truth is I had some help in teaching Hawgin’ how to dance.

You’d think after all the help I gave him in learning to dance, he’d be grateful. But no! He gets mad every time I bring it up and try to tell him how many people he influenced, so I just leave it be.

To explain, country boys know, almost from the moment they are able to walk, that you do not answer the call of nature on an electric fence.

The experience is not shocking. That is too mild a term. The experience is life-changing. Literally.

It can also change the life of the person who told the fence whizzer to so express himself on the fence. If you tell someone to get personal with an electric fence, then you better hope you get over laughing before they get over being electrocuted or you will be a candidate for plastic surgery. 

This is, of course, one of those things which must be settled in person as no court in the world will convict either person. If you are stupid enough to personally irrigate an electric fence, you got what you deserved. If you are stupid enough to hang around and wait for the other person to recover, you too get what you deserve.

No, I never did get Hawgin’ to “mark” an electric fence, nor did he ever talk me into it. Even a double-dog dare was not enough to make either one of us do that. We did get distant cousin City Boy to do it, several times in fact. 

“Man. Lightning from a blue sky. Never thought I’d ever see that!” I said the first time. “You ok?”

City Boy admitted to being a bit stunned, but otherwise all right.

“Wow! Struck by lightning four times. Boy are you lucky,” Hawgin’ said, the last time we talked City Boy into the fence trick. “You’re like a magnet for that kind of stuff. Maybe the weather man needs to study you.”

He was suspicious by that time and we’ve never managed to get him to do it again.

But that doesn’t explain how I taught Hawgin’ his smooth moves.

One time Hawgin’ and I were stringing a fence around one of the fields so we could put the cows in it. We’d run fence around the field and were back at the end. 

Hawgin’ had wrapped extra fence around his hand to pull the wire tight so I could secure it to the post.

Then I saw the charger was ready to go, it just needed plugging in.

“YOU SON!” was as far as Hawgin’ got as I connected the juice.

He invented break dancing on the spot.

And then he danced. I don’t know how long he danced as I remembered an urgent appointment just then so I left.