Be warned about our pork skins

First, let the record reflect that the Pumpkin Pie Blizzard at Dairy Queen really tastes like pumpkin pie.

O.K., so the Fire Chief in Palo Alto, Calif., used the county emergency alert system to send 27,000 text messages to residents informing them of the upcoming pancake breakfast that the fire department was doing for a fundraiser. Fire Chief Nickel claimed that he used the alert system because there would be a “life flight” helicopter landing at a local school, and he didn’t want local citizens to be alarmed.

Alarmed? The pancakes are so bad that you have a life flight helicopter on standby, but you don’t want the citizens to be alarmed?

That widespread panic caused me to consider Houston County’s emergency plan. Sec. 26-62 of the county code includes: “In the event of an actual or threatened occurrence of a disaster or emergency, which may result in the large-scale loss of life, injury, property damage or destruction or in the major disruption of routine community affairs, business or governmental operations in the county and which is of sufficient severity and magnitude to warrant extraordinary assistance by federal, state and local departments and agencies to supplement the efforts of available public and private resources, the chair of the board of commissioners may declare a local emergency for Houston County.”

Now that is a mouthful. The Georgia murder statute is 25 words, but just the introductory emergency sentence is 88 words long.

Our county chairman, the esteemed Tommy Stalnaker, has the authority to declare an emergency pursuant to the code. I suggest he start with this weekend’s Mossy Creek.

I am a member of the Warner Robins Noon Optimist Club, the oldest continually serving civic club in Warner Robins. The third weekend of October, we cook pork skins at Mossy Creek. If you have never seen a pork skin cooked, you have missed out on a great bucket list spectacle.

First, you have to see the pork skin. It’s really greasy, varies in size from a dime to bigger than a half dollar, and is flat as a cracker. You bring a big kettle of oil up to 405 degrees and drop the pork skins in the kettle. You have to hold them down, essentially under pressure, until they stop boiling and then you let the pressure off. Bam! You have a mess of pork skins. Add some salt or barbeque seasoning and bag ‘em, people will buy them.

If you want a free sample, come see me and my Optimist buddies at Mossy Creek on Saturday or Sunday. A bag will cost you $4 though.

Back to the county warning system. Those pork skins can’t be good for you. They taste way too good to be healthy. My first fitness guru, Jack LaLanne, famously said,  “If it tastes good, spit it out.” His fitness plan didn’t work out so good for him, he died at 96 years old.

So, Tommy, for the love of God and country, sound the alarm system! While we haven’t needed a life flight helicopter yet, this could be the year.

Kelly Burke, former district attorney and magistrate judge, is engaged in private practice. He focuses on personal injury cases and corporate litigation. These articles are not designed to give legal advice, but are designed to inform the public about how the law affects their daily lives. Contact Kelly at kelly@burkelasseterllc.com to comment on this article or suggest articles about the law that you’d like to see.

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