Shopping carts and living at the end of civilization 

Like most people, Sylvan Goldman wanted to make more money. 

The businessman knew what it was like to lose it all. He had lost what most folks would call a fortune in the stock market crash, but towards the end of the Great Depression he had once again found success and financial freedom. But of course, you can never make too much money. 

In 1937, Goldman was owner of Humpty Dumpty, a chain of supermarkets in Oklahoma City. One night, he whiled away the hours in his office pondering up a way to move more groceries from his shops. Inspired by metal framed folding chairs and with the help of a young mechanic well on his way to being a mad scientist, Goldman developed the first shopping cart, a simple wire basket on a frame with wheels. 

On June 4, he unveiled his invention to his customers. Goldman’s hopes of instantly doubling his sales were anything but triumphant. Shoppers shied away from this Frankenstein’s monster of a device. Men laughed at it. They wouldn’t dare be caught pushing a basket for help, but preferred to carry everything in their arms like gorillas building a nest. Women scoffed at the buggies. Society already forced all domestic roles on them and they didn’t want to spend more time pushing around what was essentially a baby carriage. 

Thus the shopping cart had a dismal debut. 

But Goldman, being the astute person that he was, did what any entrepreneur with disposable income would do: He hired beautiful people to walk around his shops pushing the carts. 

It’s funny what happens to humans when we see attractive people doing something. We think doing the same thing makes us attractive. Soon, people everywhere were shopping for groceries with the aid of buggies. 

To get revenge on people for at-first rejecting his revolutionary retail aid, Goldman later invented shopping cart advertisements, selling only to real estate and insurance agents and wheels that last no longer than six months and cause carts to constantly drift to the left. 

Have you ever pushed a brand new shopping cart? It’s one of the greatest pleasures a body can experience. I’m talking heaven on earth, up there with holding your baby for the first time. 

Now we can’t imagine going into a store and not seeing an abundance of carts, neatly lined up waiting for our arrival. Men and women alike, shudder at the thought of carrying groceries around like a pack mule. My wife called me from a popular chain grocer the other day. Not a buggy to be found. She left the store.

I returned to the location the next day with my son, the black-belt in taekwondo. There were only a couple of carts available, the rest abandoned and scattered across the parking lot like a scene in a post-apocalyptic movie. Shoppers moaned and shuffled around like zombies. I managed to get my hands on one, beating an overweight man wearing a fedora and flip flops to the last cart in the corral. 

We did our shopping as quickly as we could and got out of the store. After loading the haul into the car, I made a great show of returning the buggy to the proper receptacle, demonstrating to passersby appropriate behavior. 

I just hope and pray I’m attractive enough to make a difference.