Voting chuckles

The Athens based B-52’s immortal song, “Love Shack,” mentions “cruising down the Atlanta Highway.” In Athens, that is the name given to U.S. Route 78. However, living on the Atlanta Highway doesn’t let one vote in Atlanta elections. Seriously.

Last week’s city elections brought me great amusement. Not from the election results, per se, but from reading the online postings of my fellow citizens.

I have done a statistical analysis of my readers, and they are in the Top 10 percent of the smartest, most charitable, kindest, most caring people in the U.S. So no, I’m not talking about you, this column is about your neighbor.

I’ve studied elections since my early teens, when my parents went to vote EVERY time. I paid attention in high school civics class, but apparently civics is no longer mandatory, because some of the masses are absolutely clueless. It’s not their fault that the education system failed them, but the fact that they vote on educational issues means we will not get any better. Many would argue that was the master plan, but that’s not my issue today.

One citizen’s post complained that they were tired of paying city AND county taxes, so that needs to change! Hello! If you own the home you live in, and it’s in a city, you pay both city and county taxes. It may be that they have only paid rent up to now, so they didn’t know their landlord paid the taxes. But they still got to vote in county elections AND city elections.

Now which county can get confusing. The city of Byron is mostly in Peach County but partly in Houston County. Warner Robins is mostly in Houston but partly in Peach. So if one lives in Warner Robins over by the new BJ’s Wholesale Club, they get to vote for WR mayor but, since that’s Peach County, the DA of that patch of land is based out of Macon. So they couldn’t have voted for the incredibly talented Kelly Burke for DA back in the day, because that amazing guy was the Houston Judicial Circuit DA.

One voter complained that it is confusing as to where you vote, it’s not, really. It matters not who provides your utilities or garbage pickup, because governments cut deals on that, sometimes. The post office has nothing to do with it either. Your mail might say Kathleen, or Bonaire, or Byron, but if you live in the city limits of WR, you get to vote in city elections.

One post complained that their business was in WR and the mayor has a lot to do with the business atmosphere, so why can’t they vote for mayor? True! But meaningless since you vote where you live.

One person said they live on Feagin Mill Road and should be able to vote in Warner Robins elections since other people on Feagin Mill get to vote in city elections, I’m not kidding. Hence my opening paragraph about “Love Shack.”

If you move into a new home out in the county, but never notify the election office, can you vote in the city election where you prior home sits? Let me think…. NO! That’s election fraud. Maybe you don’t get caught. Unless a former neighbor sees you in line and rats you out. I wonder if maybe that happened while I was DA. Hmmm.

I estimate 90 percent of us know all this. Social media exposes the 10 percent. But they know stuff I don’t know, so there’s that.

Kelly Burke was born in Knoxville where he spent his younger years, followed by high school years in Atlanta where he graduated from Georgia Tech, and Mercer Law School. He has been in private practice, a magistrate judge, and an elected district attorney. He writes about the law, politics, music, and Ireland. He and his wife enjoy gardening, playing with their Lagotto Ramanolo named George Harrison, and spending time with their grandchildren. To see this column or Kelly’s archives, visit www.kellyrburke.com. You can email Kelly at dakellyburke@gmail.com.