Join the Politburo

It amazes me to see the lack of common sense that people display. Yet I am reminded of a warning from Mark Twain: “Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.” Yet, as Whitesnake sang, “Here I go again.”

A recent news story featured citizens yabbering that there are too many car washes and oil change centers in some areas of Warner Robins. They want somebody to do something about it.

That somebody would be the local politburo office of the Communist party.

If you are a communist, you favor party control of business, well, of everything really. If you are a free-market American, you realize it is best to let someone with a fresh idea and investment capital decide if they should build another car wash, oil change center, or any other enterprise in a location. For instance, within one-third of a mile at Houston Lake and Hwy 96, there is a McDonald’s, Burger King, and Wendy’s. They’ve been there a long time, so somehow, they are making ends meat. (Haha.)

Why do some think we have too many car washes? What has a car wash ever done to you, other than inspiring that insipid disco song by Rose Royce, “Car Wash,” a 1976 Number One hit. It was not their only hit either. Double gold star if you can name any other song, never mind a hit, by Rose Royce.

I’m all for proper zoning, but zoning doesn’t mean selecting winners and losers. Imagine the corruption that a “first come, first served” zoning decision would create. Imagine the greased palms when Carrabba’s and Olive Garden fight for a prime location that only one gets. It would be un-American to pick winners and losers in this manner.

But sometimes we do pick winners and losers. Georgia allows local governments to control liquor store locations. The amount of money that gets paid under the table for a liquor store license can be staggering. I’ve been involved in cases where the city code establishes how many liquor stores are allowed.  Amazing, but legal. Not every liquor store license is the result of something illegal, but let me tell you, it happens a lot. Competition is brutal as current license holders try to stop others from competing with them. Some cities conduct lotteries on who gets a license. No opportunity for corruption there, right?

As Paul Simon said, “While my life of education hasn’t hurt me none, I can read the writing on the wall.” Laws about selling alcohol have moderated in my lifetime, yet it is still nonsensical. Any distance requirement from a school makes no sense when sales are forbidden to anyone under twenty-one. Unless it’s teachers you want to prevent from drowning their sorrows over the miserable wretches they work for. (You knew I was going to say students, didn’t you!) Any prohibition on alcohol sales on election day fails when the law allows inebriated people to vote! And sometimes you need to be drunk to vote these days. The Sunday alcohol sales prohibition? What “sin test” do churches need that Jesus didn’t have? Oh yeah, I’m a lifelong teetotaler.

Other than silly, antiquated laws about the selling of alcohol, we don’t control where businesses can locate. For those of you who would restrict where businesses can compete, may I suggest you go back to middle school and become conversant in free-market capitalism. Or double down on your communist predilections, but I remember when a Perry motel association asked their city council to put a moratorium on new motels in town because there were already enough hotels. The council, having graduated from middle school, rejected their plea. Be like the city council. Value your education.

Kelly Burke, attorney, former district attorney, and magistrate judge, writes about the law, rock’n’roll, and politics or anything that strikes him. Contact Kelly at  dakellyburke@gmail.com to comment on this article or suggest articles that you’d like to see, and visit his website at  www.kellyrburke.com for an archive of past columns.