National Redhead Day

Today is National Redhead Appreciation Day, and I am a redhead, as is my wife, two of my daughters, my two sisters, and my mom and my maternal grandmother. So, here goes my attempt at broadening your understanding of redheads. My daughters who are redheads, Maryl and Alden, are the bookends of my kids. Alden is the rarest of rare, with her blue eyes, which only happens to .17% of the human population (let’s assume we are human, although some argue we are not).

Redheads comprise 1% of the world’s population, but this is about U.S. Redhead Appreciation Day, and our country has an estimated 4% redhead population. That is due to the heavy emigration of Irish and Scottish populations for well over a century—both countries having approximately 10% of their populations made up of redheads. The U.S., due to our enormous population, has more redheads than any other country, with roughly 13 million of us. That’s a lot of gingers, but we are still rare. And gifted.

But first, the downside of being a redhead, other than skin cancer. Redheads are depicted as demons, such as in Jewish mythology depicting Lilith, a comely demon who wrecked sensual havoc in the Garden of Eden, as a red-headed woman. Bathsheba, Eve, Judas, and Satan are often portrayed in medieval paintings as having red hair. Gingers are claimed to be soulless, with many burned at the stake not that long ago, but that comes from jealousy by less blessed and endowed individuals. Every redhead has endured teasing, even bullying, in school over their obvious superiority.

Now the good news. Redheads are modest because we are blessed with superior looks, sexual prowess, and intellect, so we can be sincerely humble. I’ve never met a guy who didn’t want to make it with a redhead. Bruce Springsteen sang “Well I don’t care how many girls you’ve dated, man, but you ain’t lived ‘til you’ve had your tires rotated by a red-headed woman.” Further, I’ve never met a dumb redhead (but there’s a reason for dumb blonde jokes!). And redheads are disproportionately featured in advertisements for a reason. We are attractive!

Here’s some redhead trivia. Redheads are found in every race, proof that DNA and the gene pool really exist. Redheads don’t go gray, our hair turns white with age. Besides skin cancer, redheads have an altered pain tolerance, bleed easier, and have a higher risk of Parkinson’s (great, huh?). We generate more Vitamin D than you mortals, making us potentially stronger. Redheads are called “gingers” due to England’s occupation of Malaysia, where the Red Ginger plant’s gorgeous blooms gave rise to the slang “ginger” for the English with red hair. Redheads, despite skin cancer risks, actually appear to age better. The gene that causes red hair is MC1R which also prevents us from tanning as well. Redheads smell sweeter than the rest of you. These facts are indisputable science to which no one can argue.

Some notable redheads: Tina Louise (“Ginger” on Gilligan’s Island), Carol Burnett, Prince Harry, Ed Sheeran, Queen Elizabeth I, Adele, Chuck Norris, Conan O’Brien, King Henry VIII, George Washington, Winston Churchill, Malcolm X (didn’t see that one coming, did you?), Mark Twain, Nicole Kidman, and Vincent Van Gogh. I could go on, but the column has to end sometime.

Have a happy and safe National Redhead Appreciation Day!

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