Married… but not living together?

We exist in a frighteningly backward society. Things are changing swiftly but rarely for the better. Most would consider our current culture an innovative one. We are seemingly moving forward in our ever-progressing technological age. More people are getting advanced degrees—even religious-based ones. Yet, it appears that the more mentally educated we become, the more spiritually ignorant we turn out to be.

Romans 1:21-22 puts it like this: “For although they knew God, they neither glorified Him as God nor gave thanks to Him, but they became futile in their thinking and darkened in their foolish hearts. Although they claimed to be wise, they became fools.”

There is absolutely nothing wrong with pursuing a higher education. We’ve both done it, and we are both better because of it. But we would never allow what the world’s view tells us to trump what the Word of God tells us. And that includes what it says about marriage and family. Mankind changes. Laws change. But the Bible lets us know, “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever” (Hebrews 13:8).

It was disturbing to read a feature a few days ago that encouraged married couples to live apart from one another. This piece was written by an educated, trained professional advising husbands and wives to rent or buy separate dwelling places and permanently live separately from one another. According to the author, when married couples live in separate residences—whether those homes are within a few short miles of each other or clear across the United States from one another—their marriages are stronger and last longer.

As one who offers counsel to covenant couples, this is an arrangement that this gentleman regularly advises. He dubbed it, “married but not living together.” To validate his argument, he pointed out that most marriages consist of two individuals who love each other but are very different from one another. One is a night owl and the other is an early bird. One has a compulsion to keep the house neat, while the other just throws things off to the side. One may be a communicator while the other is a concealer. “One spouse may want to be monogamous and the other one wants to be a free spirit,” he stated.

In the writer’s opinion, instead of couples dealing with these matters, praying about these matters, talking about these matters and risking the possibility of getting into an argument; it is better that they just live apart from each other. That way, they could do whatever they please in their own homes and only come together to share in the things that on which they share common views such as getting together for dinner, outings they both enjoy, and, of course, to satisfy one another sexually.

We are a couple who firmly believes that extraordinary marriages start with Christ. Oneness with Him and with one another is what makes our bond strong. We were, quite frankly, repulsed by this professional’s point of view. Especially since he also claimed to be a believer. How can we truly be followers of Christ without obeying the Scriptures? And if the Bible suggests that the love displayed between a man and woman in marriage should be an earthly reflection of the love Christ displays for the church (us), how can we, in good conscious, encourage married couples that they should live separately in a manner that includes carrying on adulterous affairs?

The article’s author described many husbands and wives who choose to live separate lives as “mentally stronger.” He said the “separation works wonders” and encouraged married people not to succumb to “the ridiculous nonsense of regular relationships.” He urged his readers to be unique and go for the arrangement of being married but living apart.

In Mark 10:7-9, God says in no uncertain terms that in marriage, a husband and wife should cleave together; so much so, that they are no longer two individuals, but become as one flesh. Imagine how tightly knitted together a married couple must be in order to be seen as virtually one person! That type of oneness is not possible when each person has a permanent arrangement to live in separate homes. The ninth verse of that Scripture is a very familiar one. “What God has joined together, let no man separate.”

That includes men like the writer of that article.

Drs. Michael & Kendra Holmes are the pastors of Deliverance Revival Church in Warner Robins, Ga., the founders of Royalty Relationship Coaching, LLC, the authors of the 31-day devotional, “Cross-Fire: Igniting Passionate, Purposeful, and Powerful Relationships” and the founders of the faith-based newspaper, The Royal Trumpet. W.A.R. is an acronym for “We Are Royalty,” ™ the official slogan of Royalty Relationship Coaching, LLC. Visit the website at www.RoyaltyRelationshipCoaching.com.

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