The reality of senior life: Keys please

Curtailing driving for most men is tantamount to giving up their most treasured masculine activity or possession. I don’t even want to think about giving up the keys to my Goldwing touring motorcycle let alone giving up driving entirely. But it is a reality of senior life that sooner or later most of us, especially those afflicted with some degree of dementia, will have to give up this treasured symbol of manhood and freedom.

We’ve had to deal with it three times so far in our extended family. The first was with my dad back in the ’90s. He loved to drive as much as any man I know and mom despised it as much as he liked it. In fact, I remember dad trying to teach mom to drive in our 1939 Studebaker with a “3 on the tree” stick shift with us two boys in the back seat; it isn’t a pleasant memory! But when dad’s health began to decline, he and mom were able to work it out together so that she did all the driving from that point on and they were both O.K. with it. Hat’s off to them.

The second time was with my father-in-law after he had a stroke which also brought with it vascular dementia that continued to worsen for the remainder of his years. Because he would have been a danger to others as well as himself, his doctor would not allow him to drive after that. While he didn’t speak much about it, he always insisted on manipulating the car in the driveway whenever they would come to visit. I had to bite my tongue several times as he ran over my irrigation sprinkler heads!

The third time we’ve dealt with it was quite recently as my 92-year-old mother-in-law came to live with us at the farm. She took the initiative to turn over the title to her car to one of my sons who has to do quite a bit of travel because of his ongoing National Guard service. It’s been a real blessing to him and she doesn’t worry us by driving on her own with her compromised vision. Now, she still gets around wherever she wants to go with her Visiting Angels ® caregiver serving as her chauffeur. In fact, they’re headed off to town to do the grocery shopping which she still loves to do.

But those three stories are definitely unusual in their tranquility. Most of the time, giving up driving privileges, especially for men, comes with a bit more emotional trauma. Minimizing that trauma is the task at hand for those of us who have to enforce it. So what are we to do?

The best thing I can suggest is to pick up the phone and call 478-971-1606 and request the specially prepared Visiting Angels ® brochure for the occasion. Someone there will get it right out in the mail. As a side note, there are a series of these brochures covering a multitude of senior related topics such as fall prevention, veteran’s benefits, flu shots, Alzheimer’s, etc. All of them are free for the asking.

The brochure I’m talking about here, which is called “Talking with Older Drivers,” has great advice on planning for this talk, including meeting with siblings and medical professionals as well as actually having the talk with your senior. I trust your talk will go well.

Thanks for reading All About Seniors … see you next week!

Bill Milby, CSA, is a Certified Senior Advisor and a Director of Visiting Angels® of Macon, a non-medical, living assistance service for seniors. If you have questions or comments about this column you can reach him at william.mercylink@gmail.com or search for us at www.facebook.com/VisitingAngelsMacon.

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