If you were to look up the word “jealous” in the online dictionary, you would find a few definitions; two of which are: 1) feeling or showing suspicion of someone’s unfaithfulness in a relationship, and 2) fiercely protective of one’s rights or possessions. One of these should have no place in a marriage, but the other can be quite commendable when kept in its proper perspective.
No man or woman with genuine godly and moral principles would embrace the idea of his or her spouse sharing their intimate affection with other men and women. Notice that we said no man or woman with “genuine godly and moral principles.” Unfortunately, as our nation and the world as a whole have drifted farther and farther away from holiness and the teachings of Jesus Christ, our moral standards have grossly declined.
We now live in a society where once unheard-of things like open marriages—those wherein husbands and wives “permit” one another to have sexual relationships with others outside of the covenant—are developing into a twisted new kind of normal. It is becoming commonplace in the entertainment world, and sadly enough, even some of us who claim to be God-fearing, Bible-believing, kingdom-minded Christians have begun embracing the idea and even viewing some of these celebrity couples as role models for our relationships. No wonder our world is in such a pitiful state!
But back to the matter of sanctified jealousy. What do we mean by that? Sanctified jealousy is intense, but sacred protectiveness—the kind of jealousy that is not only sanctioned by God but displayed by Him as well. Let’s take a closer look at definition number two.
To be protective of one’s possessions is a side of jealousy that’s biblically sound, but often overlooked. In most cases, we tend to equate jealousy solely to discord and distrust; especially when it comes to marriage, but because God repeatedly compares the husband/wife correlation to His relationship with us as His children, a marriage is a great way to take a closer look at jealousy from a righteous perspective.
When we marry, the Bible tells us that our bodies are no longer our own, but our spouse’s. In the modern-day, we subtract and divide the Scriptures to fit our agenda. Those things that we agree with, we quote as the Gospel, and those things that we disagree with, we come up with our own paraphrase or interpretation to explain it away. But 1 Corinthians 7:4 (NIV) says, “The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife.” Simply put, what this means is when a man and woman marry, they belong to one another. They are each other’s possession.
Mentally and spiritually unstable people can take this out of context, making it something despicable. But when we approach it from a godly perspective, this is a marvelous phenomenon. It’s a proven fact that when people take ownership of a thing, they are far more apt to value it and take care of it. When they’ve worked for it, invested in it; when they treasure it and/or have a deep emotional connection to it, they tend to be far more protective of it than they are of other things. This is how every married person should feel about their spouse and their union. When we feel this way, we will do everything within our power to preserve and safeguard our covenant.
It is in a very similar manner that we approach our relationship to Christ. Despite what we may say or think, we are not our own person. Going from day to day just doing what pleases our flesh is not the way Christ intends for us to live. We are not our own. Without Him, there would be no us. He is our Creator. He is our Maker. Christ owns us. 1 Corinthians 6:20 (Amplified Bible – AMP) says, “You were bought with a price [you were actually purchased with the precious blood of Jesus and made His own]. So then, honor and glorify God with your body.” In laymen’s terms, we belong to God. We are His possessions.
Because of that, just like a spouse should, God expects our complete faithfulness. He does not want to share us with any other god. In Exodus 20:5 – New Living Translation (NLT), God tells His people this: “… for I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God who will not tolerate your affections for any other gods.” What many of us fail to acknowledge is that anything and anybody that we love more than God or seek to please more than God, is something or somebody that we have allowed to become an idol (a false god) in our lives. Our jealous God says He won’t stand for it!
As His children, the Lord requires our complete and exclusive devotion. He does not want our spiritual infidelity any more than an honorable husband or wife would want their spouse’s physical or emotional infidelity.
Sanctified jealousy prompts you to guard that which belongs to you. It will make a man or woman stand in holy boldness and dare an outsider to disrespect or defile his or her marriage. That’s a jealously that every husband and wife should possess; after all, it is endorsed by God. That kind of jealousy displays a solid commitment to the relationship, safeguarding it against attacks orchestrated by satan himself.
It is vitally important that husbands and wives honor one another. That includes respecting one another’s sanctified jealousy. Listen, my brothers and sisters… No outside relationship with another human being is worth bringing division in your marriage. If it’s causing problems, take a step back and re-evaluate it. The Bible tells us in 1 Corinthians 14:33, “God is not the author of confusion, but of peace…” Any person who is the root of conflict, chaos and mayhem in your marriage—that person needs to go!
If your spouse is a secure person, a godly person of sound mind and good judgment, and he or she is showing jealously regarding a relationship that you have with someone outside of your marriage bond… respect that. Your spouse is just trying to protect what’s theirs and keep the enemy at bay that desires to rob it. The devil is a conniving being. There is no good at all in him. According to John 10:10, he comes for three things, and three things only: to kill, steal, and destroy. Don’t allow it.
Sometimes God gives our spouses keener visions and sharper senses to identify trouble beyond what our natural eyes may see. Relationships that we may think are harmless could be seeds of discord that the enemy is strategically planting in hopes that they will spring forth irreversible division in our covenants. A spouse with sanctified jealously will say, “Not today, satan… Not today!”
Drs. Michael & Kendra Holmes are the senior pastors of Deliverance Revival Church in Warner Robins, the founders of Royalty Relationship Coaching, LLC, and the authors of the devotional, “Cross-Fire: Igniting Passionate, Purposeful, and Powerful Relationships.” W.A.R. is an acronym for “We Are Royalty,” the official slogan of Royalty Relationship Coaching, LLC. Visit the website at www.RoyaltyRelationshipCoaching.com.
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